stkitt said...
Hi Hurley and welcome,
The loss of a significant loved one: a spouse, a
parent, a sibling, a best friend, or a child, throws our entire world upside
down, creating what feels like a crater- sized hole in our heart, that we often
believe will never be filled again. I am so sorry to read about the death of your Mother.
I truly understand how an addiction to gambling can cause you to act as you did as my own brother was addicted to gambling and drinking and would often be in dept to the point of my sister having to pay off a $14,000.00 debt as she was afraid someone would hurt him. He never felt he needed any help and had no desire to quit. I, too, had a spell where I spent way to much time at the casino until one day I got a grip and quit chasing the elusive dream of becoming rich and quit throwing good money after bad.
I understand why your feel so lost but believe in therapy and in this forum as we are here to help and support you. I have burned a lot of bridges in my past and and many of those I should have never crossed in the first place so not guilt. Keep moving forward one step at a time.
Life is full of challenges. Sometimes situations are
beyond our control, and sometimes we create challenges by our own hands. It
isn't always easy to face them alone. Sometimes we just need somebody to
understand us Sometimes we just need a
friend. You have found many friends here so use us well.
Kindly,
Kitt
Hi Stkitt
Thanks so much for taking the time to reply
I do feel a lot of guilt about
how i neglected my mother and also how a lot of times i was not honest to the people who loved me the most , i used to use gambling to block out my pain and i did it for over a year after my mother passed away , when my girlfriend and me broke up i stopped for a while but then started again , I have stopped altogether now and i am committed to never gamble again , i have had a huge amount off loss over the last year and i think i just broke down , my therapist says that even me stopping playing poker is like me losing a job , i also stopped smoking and wrecked my car , and my girlfriend took my best bud , my little Boston terrier , i think maybe my body and mind are just trying to work through it all , i have always repressed things and maybe this is me just boiling over in a way.
I need to at some point go back home to as i am staying with my brother at his house which is a 2 hour flight away from where i live , he lives in the house we grew up in and i feel good here , even though i have amazing friends where i live i still live alone and right now that is not something i want to do , i have also been craving smoking again , i was fine for the first 3 months but now i think maybe it will help with the way i feel , even tough i am pretty sure it will do the opposite , i am going to make a list today of everything i need to start doing and also things i havent dealt with with might be causing me anxiety, and try and just do a few thing everyday.
When my ex girlfriend and i broke up , she left 80% of her clothes and things at my house , they are still there now 3 months later , i said she could keep them there for a while because she didnt have a lot of space at her new place , i know i need to tell her to get her stuff as it really isnt my problem anymore but i just havent , i hate goodbyes and that will just feel like the last goodbye ,i am also a person who like to make everyone happy and that also probably why i havent , but should her stuff be my problem? Think i am just going to tell her she has to get her stuff and them maybe find a new place for myself to live , i have no great memories in this apartment , most are just pretty dreadful , maybe a fresh start would help .
hehe i am just ranting on here .
Once again thanks for taking the time to help me , it means a lot to me.
Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 7/18/2012 11:34:36 AM (GMT-6)