It's been a while...

Hi everyone,

Hope everyone is ok, or at least getting a better handle on things.

Yes, I do check this forum out from time to time , but sometimes
being reminded of anxiety can make me feel more anxious. So,
I try to stay positive and be active.

That being said, still have the same issues of looking for a job.
Recently, had a series of interviews for a good opportunity
related to my last position.

Problem was, when it came time for the last (of four) interviews
which was on the phone, I found myself holding back, thinking
- do I really want to do this? Well, I know myself and this was
probably the reason I did not get the job.

You see I want to do something different but interviewed with
this cause it was related to my previous experience. At this
point, it's been so long,I feel disconnected from this line of
work and my point is if I am truthful with myself I don't want
to do this type of work anymore.

This creates stress,anxiety over not providing for my family,
the loss of time, guilt of not doing something about this when
I had plenty of time to plan a new career when I was in a much
stronger position financially- I needed to look at my future, be
honest with myself years ago - but because things were relatively
easy, I let my guard down and was just apathetic.

What I have learned from this is you can only fake it for so long.
Eventually, if your not true to yourself, it will catch up with you.

I want a career not just a paycheck. To wake up in the morning
and look forward or at least be ok with what I do.

Of course the anxiety I feel plays into everything as it takes so
much energy from me, so I'm hesitant to take chances. So its
not just laziness.

Anyways, this is running long, just felt need to express this.
Sick of feeling guilty, I know sometimes you have to do what
you must - it's just tired and need something else.

ghosst8,

I know the feeling about hanging around the forum too much can trigger anxiety, it happened to me a few times. I ended up taking a brake from it for a day or two. Try not to beat yourself up over the whole job issue. I believe that there is more to life, or job, than just a paycheck. Some people are fine with dealing with a horrible job just to have a paycheck, while others want a good career and something that they will enjoy the rest of their life. Which is me all the way around really. I have went through many jobs because I was not happy there and it wasn't what I wanted to do in life. I ended up going to college (still there) for psychology, and now I am starting to believe that the psych field is not for me. Being true to yourself is a must, we can be fake to so many people around us, but we can only be fake around ourselves for so long before we crack. focus on what makes you happy, and what will make you happy. Best of luck!

Ghosst8,

When I sat down and thought about your question it was a bit tricky to answer. Maybe it's self doubt or not believing in myself that I can do it. There are a few things that factor in on why I am not sure if psychology is the right path for me.

First off a lot of my debate comes from me having anxiety, and being a hypercondriac. Since I have been in college I have diagnosed myself with every mental illness known to man, which causes me stress because even though I know I am healthy, I have self doubt about it. Also, I find myself thinking about why I am the way I am more than I should. Which leads to me trying to figure out cures, but not cures through medicine/drugs, but using the mind as if it were a medicine all in it's own. (sorry if that doesn't make sense, not sure how to explain it lol)

Secondly, I have empathy and I am always feeling what another person is feeling to the point where it effects how I am feeling. If someone hurt came to me and told me a bad story about another person physically/mentally abusing this person I would probably go out and find the 'bad guy' and beat him/her up.

The third reason is that I know some people will not take my advice, then will come back to me over and over again still miserable and still in the same situation that they came to my help for. It would be very heart breaking. I know a lot about psychology and the mind, I don't doubt my knowledge, and honestly I believe I could help people in the long run. But those who don't take the advice, to me, would be like the awesome fish that got away. I would be sad and angry at the same time.

The fourth reason is because I originally went in to the field to build on my 'paranormal' knowledge. When I heard about Sigmund Freud's Dream Analysis, I was all in and up to make this my major. Unfortunately, I have not gotten the luxury of studying much into that at all, and through the years I lost the reason why I took the field in the first place.

The fifth reason, I find myself wanting to explore something more creative, like artistic. I am a very creative person, I have always been a drawer a writer, but never went to college for it because I was always told I would never get a good paycheck out of it. Right now I would really love to go into the gaming business, or 3d animation, to me that would be very rewarding. Unfortunately, it most likely wont happen. I have most likely spent all the school loans I can get in taking psychology the past 5 years, and I am pretty sure the positions are all full in the career. I would love to work for Pixar, or work with the creators of Thor, The Advengers, etc. You can probably see why I didn't take that leap and go into the art field, my dreams are huge, and, well reality is bigger.

I am going to stop at that because I know I am blabbing on a bit. Psychology is very interesting, and I have to admit this field has brought a whole knew world into my life. It's made me see things differently, it's given me a lot of understanding about people, and has given me more compassion about others. Maybe it is self doubt, or me just wanting to explore a more creative field. Either way, I can't give you a definite answer as to why I don't want to go in the field other than doubt.