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Posted 9/17/2012 5:55 PM (GMT 0)

Hi

It has been very stressful the past month....dealing with friends, relatives, family...

And one thing I realized is that...family will not always be there for you or support you thru everything and will not always be the ones to appreciate what you do, or be proud of your accomplishments. Real support may come from friends, not family. This is just my experience and not all of you will agree. But in my case, it's true. At the moment, those I trusted the most seem to no longer care.

Posted 9/17/2012 6:19 PM (GMT 0)
Hi melodee,

It is nice to hear from you again...though I am sorry that you are having some rough times with your family.

It is devastating to not feel supported by the people who are supposed to always be there for you.:( I have felt this way before and it the worst experience.

My own family needs to work on its communication skills...and I am guilty and a part of that. Sometimes starting the catalyst of change is all that we can do...we can't control how others are going to act, only our own reactions.

This is not to say that we just take any and all blame upon ourselves...certainly there is a need for self-preservation and boundaries, but to try our best to be a part of mending issues that need it is healthy for everyone. (and I am so 'preaching' to myself on this as well!)

I really hope that you can come to a place of peace about this. I wish you the best in your dynamic with your family, and know that we are here to listen an support you anytime.:)

Hugs,

S.C.
Posted 9/18/2012 8:23 AM (GMT 0)
Hey Melodee. I don't know your back story, so I'm not sure of your history with your family and what causes your anxiety; but I can certainly relate to difficulties with family. I come from a very abusive family and they've been anything but supportive - very destructive actually. Instead of family being the ones that were helpful I have received much more support from good friends.

I've recommended this book before on here, but here goes again. "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward. "Parents" is part of the title, but it doesn't just pertain to parents... also has insights into dynamics with other family members as well as dynamics that can exist in other relationships. I just recently read another of Susan's books, "Toxic Inlaws" (each title is soooooo different!!! :) This book gave me some more insight into how my g/f has been dealing with my toxic parents and family.

Anyway, like SC said about self-preservation and boundaries.. very important!!!! With some families, provided there are some boundaries in place, it can make all the difference. That being said, sometimes one has to make their own family through friends and their significant others.

Sending good vibes your way. Hugs.

Not So
TroubleFree
Posted 9/19/2012 3:20 PM (GMT 0)

Thanks guys.

SC,

I know what you mean...you've given me the same advice many times....about us being unable to control what others say or think. But when it comes to family, it's not easy as you can't ignore them, or stop talking to them completely...especially in my case since they are pretty much the only support system I have. If I didn't have this disorder, I wouldn't need to keep in touch with these people. I can choose who I want to be with and make new friends as well.  I can't even go out often to get some fresh air because my anxiety is so bad. My present friends are actually miles away and only converse with me via phone and email.

Troublefree,

Yes, my family and relatives are abusive and destructive as well. They've caused so much stress in my life.  LOL about the book title. Sounds interesting. I will check them out. Thanks!

I really would like to make new friends but it's not happening especially with panic and anxiety. That's why I am struggling. If I didn't have this stupid disorder, I wouldn't be posting on this forum.

Posted 9/19/2012 3:41 PM (GMT 0)
Well I hope that you count us as friends...even though we only communicate through posts, I feel like this community is very much a part of my support and I value all of the relationships that I have made here.

Things will get better, and you will get to a place where you can get out and feel comfortable making connections with others that will be healthy and good for you. Keep working on the things that help you to manage your anxiety the best. It is a process...too slow at times it seems, but you will get there.:)

Keep posting.

S.C.
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