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Root of my anxiety and unhealthy relationships with girls?

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Posted 10/3/2012 8:25 PM (GMT 0)
When I was either 13 or 14, I went to go eat with my dad at a large mall. He then left to go somewhere and I was suspicious so I went looking for him to find that he was talking to another lady. I knew what he was doing, but I think he thought I was too young to realize so she sat down and ate with us acting like she was a friend. It was the most heartaching experience to be with my dad and another lady and them thinking im to naive to know it. I went home and told my mom, and she figured out everything. Luckily my mom is such an angel that after numerous therapy sessions with a counselor and my dad they worked through it. Well my parents never talked to me about what happened, I still to this day have never truly spoken about it and opened up with my parents. I emotionally detatch and repress anything from that experience. Im 19 and Im starting to realize that I cant ever hang on to a girl. I dont ever have trouble talking to them at the beginning but after a couple of weeks it never pans out. Ive had to be on antidepressants which just numbed me for a while but I came off them. and Im thinking that Im coming to an epiphany that the reason Ive had anxiety and unhealthy relationships with girls is because what happened to me when I was younger. From a third party stand point does this seem possible?
Posted 10/3/2012 9:17 PM (GMT 0)
Hi and welcome.

I am sorry to hear your story and the trouble that it may be causing you today.

I am not a mental health professional, but if I had to venture at an answer to your question, I would say yes, there may be a connection there.

At the most your dad broke your family's trust in him...and at the least, he modeled bad behavior for you to follow. Perhaps a part of you is afraid to pursue a relationship of your own because you fear a similar outcome? Or maybe you just have a negative outlook on commitment as a result of your experience?

Either way, the fact that you recognize the problem, and was even looking into finding the root cause shows that you are nothing like the man your father was that day.

You are conscientious and seem to want to be stable relationship eventually, so you can absolutely make that happen...and have a healthy family life one day.

If therapy is an option for you, then I would recommend that first. In this way you can look into the issues of the past, evaluate them, and see how you can learn from them...but then move on toward your own health and happiness.

If therapy isn't available to you, then you could look into self help. You would probably want to get some books on anxiety management as well as some books on relationships and healing from past traumas. (I can make some recommendations if you like, let me know)

Also coming here for support is a huge step towards feeling better. It is great to talk with those who understand, and we will be here to listen.:)

Talk to you soon,

Scaredy Cat
Posted 10/3/2012 10:18 PM (GMT 0)
Welcome to HealingWell and the A & P Forum. This is the place to come if you have questions or concerns about anxiety/panic, related medications and their side effects and recovery. Some of our members have been living with anxiety and related disorders for years, while others are new to this disorder.     I have always had a problem with anxiety but until it interfered with my daily life I never thought about how I became the person I am.  I found that therapy really helped as I was able to identify things from my childhood that contributed to anxiety, worked through my feelings with my therapist and have now put them behind me.   Even though you went through the trauma of fearing the break up of your family your parents worked it out so perhaps it is time for you to leave the event in the past and live in the present.  I know that sounds like an easy answer on my behalf but it is hard to do and takes work.   Think about what will make you feel better, talk with a therapist and know that no matter what happened with your parents they obviously loved you very much and still do.  Your Father made a mistake but it is in the past and I suspect he has paid the price of guilt for his indescretion.   Be well and know there is much goodness in your future.   Kindly, Kitt
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