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a couple questions( a little long)

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Posted 12/3/2012 12:06 AM (GMT 0)
I need to know if anyone is experiencing what i am.
My roommate hasn't paid her half of the bills in 4 months. We can't afford to kick her out because supposedly she is going to get a school check her soon, but at the same time my husband and i literally have zero money. Christmas is coming, and i literally have no money for gas. My phone is going to go down, my internet(which is needed for school) is going to go down. I don't know if i gonna have the gas to get to finals that start this week. My roommate hasn't even brought food but eat ours. They go out and go skating, go to basketball games, stop at circle k every morning. My husband got a date when the roommate is going to have to pay us. Dec 18. but i doubt we are going to get anything, they are just going to leave. Then yesterday my roommates son pissed me off. He got up at 630 in the morning on a Saturday and started the dryer. Which woke up both of my kids, and myself up.
I yelled at him this morning because of it and i got all the blame because i yelled at him instead of talking calmly and softly. Basically i hurt his feelings and so all of it was my fault. I figured it out, that it doesn't matter if things hurt my feelings and make me upset but if my actions cause hurt feelings all hell breaks loose. Then to top things worse i had this horrible dream last night that the roommates son was doing bad things to my son. Which i know would never happen but it scared the crap out of me.
I go see my new counselor but not until the end of the month. I don't know if my marriage is going make it through this because he and i are fighting over the roommates constantly and what really what worries me is that i am not even sure if that bothers me. I love my husband but i can't handle this much longer and i can't even talk to him about what i am feeling. It is the first time in my life that i really understand how people can feel like killing themselves is the only option. i am not feeling suicidal but i can understand the feeling.
Please let me know if anyone else is having this feelings.
Krystal
Posted 12/3/2012 1:49 AM (GMT 0)
It is really hard when your feelings go unvalidated...and it seems that know one understands or cares.

I guess that if I could encourage you in any direction, it would be to hang in there until you can get in to see your couselor at the end of the month.

It seems very sad when your husband...soulmate, does not understand your anxiety. I know this firsthand. However, I have come to learn that my husband and I can still have a good marriage regardless of his denseness!

He just doesn't get it. He was raised with an overbearing dad and submissive mom who never showed any emotion. Fast forward to now...and he has a pre-menopausal wife with anxiety...I must seem like a very scary alien wife from another planet!

So I let him off the hook for being clueless about some things that I deal with...after all it is not his issue...it is mine. I deal with it and get my validation from the work I did in therapy, from here...and from within.

I don't know if this is helpful for you or your situation. You have every right to have the feelings that you do...this is just how I choose to deal.

I do wish you the best in this difficult circumstance. Keep posting and getting it out!

Hugs,

S.C.
Posted 12/3/2012 9:46 AM (GMT 0)
S.C.

Very well said!! I'd also like to share that I am also on the same boat. My wife also couldnt have handled my anxiety any worse (am so sorry to say and have to admit that). See my wife has a very strong personality and at my weakest and most fragile moment when I had zero clue what the hell was going on inside my head, she was invalidating me and telling me to snap out of it. IF ONLY IT WAS THAT EASY! We separated for a few months precisely because I wasn't getting better with the additional pressure she was putting on me to get better! LOL! We are back together, we are working on our relationship. Its not the smoothest for sure but I still believe in my heart that it is worth it, warts and all :)

Looking back though I also realized that my wife was just freaking out herself seeing me breakdown the way i did for I was always the strong one around the house. By the way I am all for having a video chat option for members, count me in :)
Posted 12/3/2012 3:14 PM (GMT 0)
Often, what we don't understand...we fear. I think that is the case with friends and family memebers who are faced with our anxiety...they end up reacting negatively because of ignorance and fear of the disorder.

What people don't understand is just how strong those of us with anxiety are. To stand up to that level of fear, sometimes daily...survive and wake up another day to battle it again is no feat for a weak person!

Educating those around us, and breaking down the stigma is key!:) I recommend gently suggesting that partners read a book on anxiety to get an idea of what the affected loved on goes through.

That is their responsibility...ours is dealing with our disorder and doing the best that we can for ourselves and our families.:)

Goooooo team!

S.C.

Posted 12/4/2012 2:31 AM (GMT 0)
UPDATE: So i talked to my husband and we have made finally decision that the roommate is going to be giving a move out date of the end of the month. I have made it very clear, or i hoped that i did to my husband that if she doesn't leave i will. I just hope that will fix this. I just am borrowing trouble because i know when we tell the roommate that she has to move out, we are going to be blamed for it.
Then to top of it all off, she brought groceries today which is completely fine. WHat isn't is the fact that they have eaten us dry of everything and she didn't replace any of it but then filled up the pantry with all of their stuff. If i say something, i will be told that i implied that can't buy food. I am soooo tired of being trapped in my own home. I am a freaking agoraphobic, that means i can't go outside except to a very few excepts and those are getting smaller and smaller every time i go out but at the same time i literally hate being home when the roommates are home.
I want everyone's opinion on this part. I told my husband last night that i was afraid for our marriage with all this going on and in the same conversation he asked me if i was going to be mad if he stay friends with the roommate that is driving a wedge between us. I really didn't know what to say to that. Any one have any ideas?

Thanks all.
Krystal
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