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Heavy Anxiety...can't even sleep

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Anxiety & Panic Disorders
Do you think I am hopeless?
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Posted 12/6/2012 1:17 AM (GMT 0)
Over the past couple of months my anxiety has increased dramatically. My mom has a terminal illness, bills are due, no money, 3 little kids, school work to finish--just all piling up. All of my papers were due November 30, after a 5 month extension, and I have yet to hand them in. I haven't even contacted my professor. I am so afraid of getting the email back and having my work graded. I am afraid that it won't be my best and I will fail. I am making myself fail by not doing anything about this which, just feeds the cycle. I feel like I can't handle my responsibilities as a step-mom and I can't take care of my ill mother. I am terrified of her dying and I cry every night about it. I am terrified of death and I don't know what I will do when I lose her. I get emotional about people I don't even know dying. I can't sleep. I keep waking up every 20 minutes or so not being ale to breathe, heart beating out of control, feeling like I have failed everyone. I have terrible insurance and the wait list is terrible for a counselor. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel so alone.
Posted 12/6/2012 1:43 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Diamond,

You have so much on your plate right now and this was also the case with me when my anxiety went over the top 2 years ago after a protracted tussle with my former best friend and business senior partner. I lost my job, fell into depression and anxiety, resumed working with negative confidence and severe mental instability, separated from my wife, and as things slowly started to get better, I lost my brother due to a heart attack this January, two months after my dad also passed as he had fragile health already and my brothers passing was the last thing he needed. Anxiety reved up again due to all this.. Life never stops throwing us curveballs.

When things are going as crazy as they are for you right now, I think going on a low dose of benzos (I prefer xanax) for a specific time is warranted for you to be able to get your bearings. While i totally subscribe to natural ways of dealing with anxiety (especially for the long term), in the short term I think it is very beneficial to rely on meds to help you get by and establish your bearings.

It has been 2 years since my anxiety started and I am still on 7.5 mg lexapro (an SSRI) and take xanax on as needed basis. Try to be more compassionate with yourself and dont push yourself too hard.

This too shall pass. Good luck!
Posted 12/6/2012 5:05 AM (GMT 0)
Hi c.d.28 and welcome!

I am so sorry to hear of your mother's illness.:( I know that this must weigh very heavy on your heart. Add to that your resposibility with your children and your school work...and you have a load of stress. Those of us in the so called 'Sandwich Generation' have many people to look after...and many plates to juggle!

Without insurance to help to offset the cost of therapy, your best bet is in self-help. There are many books, DVD's and on-line programs that can help get you started. CBT type workbooks might be a good place to start...or you could check out our links to on-line therapy in our Resources Guide (main page, 1st post...Moodgym and e-couch are the sites) There are also great breathing and relaxation exercises there to learn. Practicing these everyday can make a real difference...they are extremely (and suprisingly) effective!

Keep posting with us as well. Just talking with others who relate is very theraputic! We are here to listen and understand.:)

Talk to you soon,

Scaredy Cat

p.s. There is ALWAYS hope!! 

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