Relationship Anxiety

Hello,

I am new here. I have recently been told I have an anxiety disorder. It seems to be mostly in my relationship with my husband. I have cognitive distortions, think and dwell on bad stuff. and can't get out of this rut.
We have been through a really tough year together where talk of seperation came up a few times. Through frustrations things were said that have hurt us both. I however can't put it all past me in order to move on.

Many of our issues stemmed from my anxiety throughout our years together and I didn't realize I was doing these things. I didn't trust him, I questioned him, didn't alone him time and space or to go out without me. He adjusted everything so he wouldn't have to deal with certain things he knew would cause me to react. Which in turn caused resentment and now he feels he can't keep it up. I obviously don't expect him to and its not the person or wife I want to be.
I know he loves me and he is still trying.
I demand so much from him now so I can feel secure again. If he doesn't do, say or react a way I think he should I go into a panic attack. If he wants to go or do anything without me I have exterm anxiety until he feels bad and doesn't go in order to avoid dealing with my reactions.

I demand he leave me love notes, give me hugs, all the things he use to do before I pushed him away. And he says he can't that he's burnt out. Which I panic about.

I am clingy now, won't leave him alone and question everything, even his job, love for me, anything and everything. I am slipping into depression because I think I have already lost him and feel it is just a matter of time before he can't handle it and leaves.I know know how to just leave him alone so he can love me again the way he once did and still be ok.

Thanks,

We did start couples counselling about four months ago and once our M.S.W. released my anxiety issues he started seeing me individually.
It has been hard to view my mistakes in the relationship and it has caused a bit of a break down for me.
My husband has been trying really hard, and realizes that I am not purposefully wanting to act the way I do and that I am going to great lengths to try to change for myself and us. He apologizes often for the way he will automatically respond to me now. He sometimes reacts poorly in attempt to protect himself from how I use to be and and still trying to not be.

I just want to feel secure again and have him be the amazing husband he used to be when I didn't realise what I was doing.
I have lost all confidence in myself and do blame myself for mostly everything in our relationship. I can't stand who I have been. It hard to look at yourself and find out you really don't like who you are. I feel I do good at taking the steps to change but when I ha e set backs I feel aweful and hit depression mode for a few days.

I just started taking 5-GROW as well.

I will tell you like I told AA you are trully a good and Kind person inside, if you wernt you would not give a d--- how he feels about your domonance. I have a question for you, if he leaves and never comes back what good would your obsessions have been, they are worth nothing because they coust you the thing you Love most, the thing you love second needs to be you, it is sometimes a selfloathing that causes one to be suspecious of there BF/Husband. "I'm a guy and I can tell you quick the best way to run a man off is to start questioning every move he makes". No one man or woman will stay long in an enviorment of jellousy and distrust. If a man is a cheater in side there is nothing you can do or say to make him quit. On the other hand "Trust", will give you Peace and the difference in your attitude and personality just might make him stay. I hope for you the best of all things! I will mention your name when talking to God.
Larry ***