update

Hi Twiggy2

Hugs going out to you. I know how you are feeling, exactly.

I did not realize that your realationship was abusive, and therefore unsafe. You do not need me to tell you that most likley the violent behavior would've escalated...and that you are wise to have gotten out.

My first marriage was similar. Lots of verbal abuse and yelling, until one day he got physically violent with me. He did not get a second chance. I packed our things and left with my daughter that same day.

We both are remarried now. He has worked hard on his issuues (mostly substance/alcohol abuse) and we are freinds now. It took awhile and a lot of work to get to this point..but it can happen.

Great job on getting into therapy! That is the greatest gift that you can give yourself and your kids! It will help you to keep your resolve strong, and you will learn how to deal with the trauma/anxiety...as well as learning much about yourself.:)

I wish you the best in this new chapter in your life. I hope that you have lots of support that you can surround yourself with. Please know that we are here to encourage and listen anytime!

Talk to you soon,

S.C.

We were married a little over three years. I knew that he was the 'life of the party' when we got together...however, he reigned it all in after I became pregnant...for a while.

Then of course the behavior returned, but as you can imagine, it is not charming or attractive when the party becomes a vice... and the happy-fun personality starts to spiral downward.

Like I said, I left after the first sign of violence, and my daughter and I moved back in with my folks for about a month.

At this time, I asked him to move out of our townhouse...guilting him basically to give us the place, since I had our daughter.

I quickly got two roomates and moved on with my life. (had a quick dissolution of the marriage, since he defaulted on all of the paperwork...I got to write the rules.)

He was in our daughter's life as much as he could considering his problems...I carefully monitored the visits for awhile...but eventually, he got it together pretty well...and continues to.:)

We still see eachother occasionally for events concerning my daughter, and we are able to all get along really well. It did take time, but there was forgiveness and healing. Eventually you will get there too.

As far as my personal healing...I don't know how much of my past factored into my anxiety. I didn't have a lot at the time...I was so busy getting on with things, taking care of my daughter...and yes, I did get married again fairly quickly. Not that I recommend that...it did work out for us...almost 18 yrs now...but that may be the exception!

Whether or not it added to my problems that happened later on...maybe, but I know that my triggers were also something completely different that were happening at the time...long after that marriage trouble.

I don't know if this helps or not...If nothing else, know that I understand what you are feeling...and know that it will get better. Take little steps, just a few and as many as you can handle each day. Be patient with the situation, but most of all with yourself.;)

Hugs,

S.C.

Keep repeating your signature line...add in your kids names as well. You did the right thing, and the only thing that you could do. Feelings of rejection are normal, but will fade away. In their place, you will start to feel empowerment and a feeling of strength and peace.

You are strong and worth something...and you have proved it to yourself, your kids and the world!!!

XOXOXO

S.C.