need to vent

hubby got into a fight with my mother tonight yelled at her and went at her but didn't hit her. Over a stupid internet bill. Can't believe the crap that comes out of his mouth. He told the kids I filed for divorce when I didn't I filed for separation, that he's going to get a delivery job and were going to move to another house and marriage counselling etc. We can't afford to buy a house, he prob won't the job and I doubt marriage counselling will help. Earlier today we went to drop of the rent and loan payment well half and he said that my mom and I were stupid. And he want to take our son to get his bb gun something that he didn't want him to have when we were together but I guess it's okay now. He's still trying to be controlling and manipulative and abusive. Even if he got this job it would take at least 6 months to get caught up on stuff and god know that he will stay working there. Anyway thanks for listening what a mess.

ty I wish I would have the courage to stand up to him the way I want to. I fear him. And I know he is mad but there is know reason to act that way. I want to send him an e-mail telling him were to go. If he ever comes in this house and acts that way again I will get a restraining order against him. I'm angry and scared, want to scream and cry. Trying so hard to keep it together. Thanks for being here to listen. We apologized to the kids for them seeing that and sometimes things get said when it shouldn't be. Just when things seem to be getting better he has to cause trouble. I read that in some cases things get worse well know I believe that to. I don't think that even if he got the job and such it would be wise to get back together. I filed the forms to ensure he can't take the kids from me and support and I payed for that. It's not my fault. I try to keep reminding myself of that to anyway having a hard time sleeping again my chest hurts etc yeah anxiety lol gonna go back to bed thank again.

I have clonazapam but it not helping very much sometimes if I have to I take a bit o gravol before bed. I was up every two hours last night gonna try to rest a bit for a couple of hours this morning. I wish I could understand but I don't. I admit that I wasn't the best wife in the the world I don't get what I did to deserve being treated by him the way we were. I have read stuff online trying to make sense of it and I can't. Anyway I know I need to stop blaming myself thanks for the response 5 more days till I can get to my counselling. Journelling and coming here really helps to take care. I'm sure the drama isn't over.

Oh I had one of those... We now have been divorced for 12 years I believe but haven't been together in 16 years.

It got so bad he busted out the windshield from my car. Tried to kidnap my oldest daughter. Oh he was horrible. Lucky for me my kids were young (1 and 4) they do not remember what happened at all.

I will say this. You need to stand up for yourself. No one else is going to do it for you. YOU have to. Any and all emails/ voice mails/ text messages need to be saved and printed. They can and will help at the hearing for child custody. There was really none of that stuff when I went through mine.

Keep him out of your life as much as you can. Limit your visits as much as possible and if you have to see him make sure its a puplic place where you have witness to his behavior.

Once you stop allowing him to treat you like trash, you will feel better about yourself and it will be a lot harder on him instead of you.

Good luck. I know its very very hard. My ex cheated on me. Took a baseball bat to everything in my home while I was at work. Lost everything. Even the kids things. And their was nothing that could be done to him for doing it. Because we were still 'married' so it was his things too. Even though he was not living at home but instead with his girlfriend.

Stay strong. And do remind yourself. That his actions are of his own. Nothing you can do about that. But you are a special person no matter what he says or does.

Take Care