Posted 3/6/2013 3:52 AM (GMT 0)
Hello all, haven't been on here in a long while. I was making great strides in progress and then like always everything fell apart. My car got towed by the police at the end of Jan because i couldn't afford insurance. My dad loaned me 1100$ to buy another. This is where things get sticky. My husband didn't get his school money so i have to pay for that out of pocket then when we filed our taxes we found out that instead of getting the 7500$ i always get, we are only getting 2200. Now i can't pay my dad back and i can't pay rent. i have to move into my in-laws house by the end of the month. My dad is bugging me left and right to pay him back, but i need what little bit of money i am getting back to move with. He isn't going to understand that, all he is going to see that my husband didn't work enough and that screwed us. I hate that about my dad because all he does is tell me that life is hard, rag on my husband and give money to his little druggie friends. I don't get gifts of money, i get loans that have to be paid back. I lied to him tonight saying that we are still waiting for our w-2 because i can't handle him on top of everything else. I can't do this anymore. I am so tired of everything always falling apart. I am trying my darnest to keep a good happy smile on for my kids but i don't know how much longer i can keep the panic attacks and the anxiety away from them. My husband and i had this huge fight on sunday where we were screaming profanities at each other. I walked away more stressed than i started. I am so tired. I just want to have a few months where life isn't so hard. Even just typing this has my heart racing and my head filling with bad thoughts. I hate this.
Okay sorry, i just needed to get that out. I don't have anyone else really to talk to because my husband who does tries, just doesn't understand what i am feeling or what the fears that fill me every moment of every day.
Krystal