cln777,(((((((((Hugs))))))))))
Why do breakups hurt so much, even when the
relationship is no longer good? A separation or breakup is painful because it represents
the loss, not just of the relationship, but also of shared dreams and
commitments. Romantic relationships begin on a high note of excitement and hope
for the future. When these relationships fail, we experience profound
disappointment, stress, anxiety and
grief.
A breakup launches us into uncharted territory.
Everything is disrupted: your routine and responsibilities, your home, your
relationships with extended family and friends, and even your identity. A
breakup brings uncertainty about the future. What will life be like without
your partner? Will you find someone else? Will you end up alone? These unknowns
often seem worse than an unhappy relationship.
Recovering from a breakup or separation is
difficult. However, it’s important to know and to keep reminding yourself that
you can and will move on. But healing takes time, so be patient with yourself.
You may not be able to be quite as productive on the
job or care for others in exactly the way you’re accustomed to for a little
while. No one is a superwoman; take time to heal, regroup, and re-energize. I am pleased to read that your husband and you are both seeking therapy as this is a positive for both of you so congratulations on reaching out for help as well as coming here and sharing your fears with us.
I went through a nasty divorce when I was 23 years old when the word "divorce" caused everyone to turn against you so I did it on my own. I had 3 children at the time - my oldest was 7 and my youngest was just 3 years old.
Because of the times I had nobody to turn to other than my parents who were already retired and they lived 150 miles away. I would often wonder how I was going to manage but I made it and I quit blaming myself along time ago that all the bad things that happen in the world are my fault. Yes, I carried a lot of guilt for my behavior because so many people said it was 100% my fault. These same people also accused me of being the cause of my FIL's terminal lung cancer and death while my ex and I went through the divorce.
I do hope that you are your hubby get back together if that is what you want.
Spend time with people who support, value, and energize
you. As you consider who to reach out to, choose wisely. Surround
yourself with people who are positive and who truly listen to you. It’s
important that you feel free to be honest about what you’re going through,
without worrying about being judged, criticized, or told what to do.
My prayers are with you,
Kitt