I hate this feeling

Hey all, hope all are doing well.
I am living my in-laws. They do not in the least bit understand what it means to have anxiety. I am trying to be as reasonable as i can be. But there is only so far i can go without have issues. Because if i could ignore things as they were, well then i would have anxiety. I am so tired of being told, just tell yourself it isn't that bad. I hate that saying. Anxiety is not something i can just turn off and on whenever. Oh i need some sympathy, let me have an panic attack.
I need my space, which at this moment is a bedroom with my entire life in it. I need it almost more than breathing at the moment. It is my husband's parents that we are living with, so when i am having an issue with something one of my in laws did or said my husband gets all protective and tries to justify their actions. Which okay, i take a step back and try to see if i am just reading between lines.
Then the other day my husband tells me that i stress him out. Which makes me ever so happy.
Oh then to top off everything else, my father is texting me day in and day out that i am this horrible person and how he could ever raise some like me.
I have this muscle in my back that is in time with my panic attacks which charlie horse my entire back everytime i have a panic attack and nothing i take or do can help it.
Ok
ok
Ok i am down ranting. Thank you for listening. You all are the only people who understand what i am going through. Thank you for your time.
Krystal

Hello SK, unlike SC, I CAN RELATE 100% :) lol

I used to live with my in-laws for over a year about 10 yrs ago... It was the longest year in my life. The lack of privacy, the change in my partner, the fights. Of course it was her territory, there were changes..

There was one time, my wife and i were having a bad argument and my M-I-L entered the room and joined in the fight! She didn't even at least pretend to be impartial and mediate, she just jumped right in and took my wife's side and started fighting with me! One time my F-I-L who believes in supernatural stuff made me eat burnt paper to cure my slipped disc. Guess what? I ate it!!

Ok ok I don't mean to stress you out further, actually laughable now that i look. My only advise to you is you need to have a life outside of that house and difficult as it may be, you need to set boundaries and discuss this with your husband. Of course this is easier said than done for I assume staying in your in-laws is largely due financial reasons and thus really limiting your options.

I do certainly hope you have a timetable for when you will move out. In the meantime, perhaps you can also try to build some kind of friendship with your in-laws beyond the parents-in-law daughter-in-law relationship so that that other dimension may actually make your stay a bit more enjoyable..

I do hear you and feel your difficulties. Hope things get better for you. In the meantime hang in there!

G.P.