Great conversation here guys...so much support and caring...I hate to butt in, but I have a couple of suggestions H.T.
First of all big hugs to you, and I am so sorry that you are feeling in such a low spot right now.
Can I suggest that you call your p-doc or therapist if you start to feel any worse? Even though you have an appointment on Monday, I would really want you to make an emergency call if you have any feelings of self-harm or dark thoughts. It is hard to get just how someone is feeling in a post...but I would rather over react, than under react...so I hope that I am reading more into your words than they are perhaps intending...but I am concerned...so please call if you need to!
Second, can I suggest that you check out this website? It is called Moody Gym, and I use is when I am feeling down and/or negative.
It has many exercises, one of which is changing what they call 'Warpy Thoughts' When I read that you say that no one gives a crap about
you...that my friend is a warpy thought...and needs to be redirected into a neutral...or even positive thought. This is how we gain the tools to have freedom from anxiety and depressio!
Here is the addie...give it a try. The exercises can be done at home, it is free, and you can go at your own pace...there's nothing to lose.;)
https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome
I am sending much encouragement, and hope that you will keep reaching out here..it is a great step in the right direction!
S.C.