Posted 5/3/2013 11:52 AM (GMT 0)
Hi and thanks for reading. I want to give some background info before I hit the big problem b/c I need to for you to understand. So sorry about the length but PLEASE still read. Please.
So, I am a college student at a prestigious university. My work load and the pressure is what caused me to have a panic attack a little over a year ago and since, anxiety. My anxiety used to be about other things, but now it is much more about obsessive, super irrational thoughts. For instance, I had the fear I was a schizo for a little while. Now, a huge fear of mine is possession.
What had happened was that in my psychology class, we were talking about abnormal psych. It was last November. Anyway, we watched a clip from some Exorcist movie. I have ALWAYS hated scary movies, and I suppose it has gotten worse since my anxiety. We were watching it so we could diagnose her abnormal symptoms, but instead, I got BEYOND freaked out and my anxiety latched onto it and tada. New, super scary obsession.
Around February, my fear had gotten better, even though it was by far the biggest anxiety obstacle I had dealt with. I was doing really well, and I had hoped that I was finally on the uphill swing anxiety-wise again. I have always had problems going home or once I was home, heading back to school, but come Spring Break at the beginning of March, that wasn't even an issue. I stayed at school over the first few days of break for my birthday, and then headed home for a few days. After I was home, I was spending the last few days of break at the beach with friends.
Home was really good until the last night. I woke up in the middle of the night and for some reason a bad panic attack hit me. This is the first time it's ever happened randomly in the middle of the night and my fear of possession came back. But this time, it was different. It's like my mind and gotten rid of my fear that it would actually happen. Now, my fear was that I was going to go crazy and develop a mental disorder believing that I was because I obsessed over it so much. I somehow got back to school and went to the beach, but it was the hardest obstacle I've had to cross anxiety-wise and I was terrified the whole time that I would have a mental breakdown.
So, "yay", you say. You got through all of these daunting tasks. Yeah, "yay", I guess. The problem is that I have yet another issue to conquer now. You know how you get "safe people" with you anxiety? You somehow feel that nothing can actually hurt you as long as they are around? I have two of those people in my life: my roommate/best friend and my mom. The problem is that this summer, both of them will be far away as I am staying at summer school and my roommate is going home. With neither or them around, I am beyond terrified of what might happen. I'm scared I will have a mental breakdown without them and go crazy. I'm scared I won't be able to makke it through summer school, which is so important as I changed my pre-med super late in my college career. Please offer suggestions/help, because I really need to stop worrying about this.