Hello! I'm new to anxiety and panic disorders

Hi All

I suppose it starts the same way with everybody and for me it was no exception....I ended up going to the hospital and clinic multiple times and the doctors said I was suffering from panic and possibly anxiety disorders. I didn't know what this was or how to address it so I was a walking zombie on pins for weeks, unknowingly breathing wrong or stopping breathing altogether, the world turned into a fog and hazey. I couldn't concentrate at work, and this scaeed me more. I went in to the doctor again with some serious IBS irritable bowel syndrome and she said it was likely due to anxiety again. Still at this point in mild denial...then she recommended a therapy appointment which I did go to. I found the first session very helpful, although lookog back I realize I was gearing myself up for a panic attack and sure enough went to the appointment a nervous wreck! Well I cried and cried the whole hour about many things and also found out I wasn't breathing normally. Well the whole breathing thing put me on edge because two days later I was just exhausted about thinking about breathing! Funny side effect of deep breathing was I was slowly putting myself asleep after deep breathing all day and ready to sleep by 2PM. ;)

So I do have some Xanax although I've purposely stopped using it so I can observe my anxiety and panic. The last two days I've triumped over anxiety and panic, got away Scott free and loved it! And today I started getting that little gnawing of anxiety coming right after I woke up which lasted with me all day. I even took two flights today without my Xanax for which I am over-joyed and proud! Except I was wearing flip flops and one of my symptoms apparently is sweaty feet so I this mushy gross reminder of anxiety all day today, haha!

Well the flight landed and I passed through customs and my wife held my hand and noticed my cold clamy condition and instead of saying I'm fine, I said I've had a little bit of anxiety all day today. Then I realized suddenly after voicing and accepting the anxiety after watching it nearly all day it morphed very quickly into panic. So I volunteered to go get the luggage by myself in a crowd of screaming Chinese people while she waited on our friends to clear customs behind us. I charged straight into my panic attack and stood my ground, breathing techniques kept me in play! I had feelings of nausea, upset tummy, wanting to run away, desperately find my wife, couldn't be alone what happens if I pass out in front of everybody, YELLING Chinese person on my face. Woozy. And I told myself TO STAND YOUR GROUND. And I didn't run when I so very wanted to and I didn't pass out and I didn't go into panic hypermode. I stood my ground and watched it come and it came at me ugly in a sea of strangers. And I triumphed again today!

What that whole anxiety of today fed was a measly little 30 second panic attack. I know I am stronger, and that I can address my anxiety and panic. Sometimes I wish I could just wake up and not have that gnawig anxiety feeling. I want to wake up fresh and looking forward to my day, unburdened by my anxiety.

I know I am on a road to healing and progress!

Big kudos to Gizzy and her story about anxiety in Orlando. I read that just now and it made me feel OK knowing there are folks out there just like me!

Well here's some background about me:

I'm 33, male
American living and working in China since 2001
Married to beautiful and wonderful Chinese gal
Expecting our first baby this September - felt him/her kick yesterday for the first time!
I like all types of home improvement projects and recently started sewing for fun.


I was raised in an abusive manic household, sexually abused and ultimately ended up checking myself into hospital at 16 because I was seriously considering suicide. Moved out of my house at 16 and been independent ever since!

I'm hoping to find a sense of community and understanding here, knowing that sharing my life and aspects of yours if you like will help me and maybe even you heal faster and better!

Much love

Joshua

Josh you are the psychical definition of the word courage!
As defined in Scaredy Cats post!

Larry ***

Yeah! That is all great news!! I believe that it will help you so much.;)

Keep posting here with us if you find it helpful. We will be here to cheer you on.

S.C.