Can't escape the panic attacks.

I've been having panic attacks since my grandfather passed away. I had them for a short time after my divorce but with my grandfathers passing my panic attacks became much worse.
My uncle died in a horrible car accident a month ago. I can't sleep now because I have dreams that I'm in the truck with him or I can't get the image of him all broken and bloodied after the accident. His accident has made me scared to drive, worried about my loved ones driving around, and has made my anxiety so much worse.
Last night my husband took me to a movie. After about 10 minutes if sitting in the theater I got hit by a huge panic attack, so scared I couldn't even move.
Then today my good friend wanted to go out to eat. I had to call and answer because I'm afraid I'd have another panic attack.
I saw my doctor and he is referring me to a psychiatrist. He also upped my dosage of trazodone. So far, it makes me fall asleep but doesn't keep me asleep. I guess I'm looking for assurance that I'm not alone and any advice.

I am sorry to hear about losses. I try to think of myself as a bottle, each day life stress, grief, negative thoughts and feelings, start to slowly fill the bottle. Eventually, it reaches the top and it could be the smallest thing that eventually makes it explode. I find it very helpful to talk about how I feel, meditation, deep breathing exercises, and I try to do things to keep my mind busy, such as reading, online games, music, couponing and listening to Howard Stern. Panic attacks are scary, I have had them since I was 6/7 and I am now 38... you will get through them. I am trying to learn how to live in the moment. I typically get caught up in the past and future. I know it isn't easy, but you will feel better.

Post Edited (Elktra) : 5/5/2013 6:31:09 PM (GMT-6)

AV The loses of your Loved one's have brought your own mortality and fear of death to the fore front of
both your conscious and subconscious mind, it's a awful place to be even for a few minutes. Each one of us
have had the same visit so your not different or alone it's just that it's new to you. We all say things like
I can't live forever and such but that's not the same as coming face to face that's a shock. Do not
dispair because there is still a nice long life ahead of you, but you need some help dealing with this monster.
We have several excellent Forum Moderators here and you will get to hear from them both they have all
been to their own rodeo and survived, so will you. Let yourself trust the people here I don't know one I don't trust, they are all intelligent and willing to help. At this point just believe those who tell you that
you are going to get better, everyone does, keep coming back to your post because you will find much
hope, Prayer, and answers to your questions.
Larry ***

Post Edited (lgm1942) : 5/5/2013 7:33:54 PM (GMT-6)

Death is not new to me. I had worked as a Cna in a nursing home for years. Dealing with the death of some of my favorite residents. I also lost my grandmother the year before my son was born.
I tend to be very calm and collected in high stress situations. Then I have my cry at home. I've had a hard time expressing emotions in front of others for a long time.
Anxiety first hit me when I was married to my now ex husband. He would tell and scream just to make my anxiety kick in. He thought my panic attacks were funny. I left him and he stalked me but eventually he stopped causing my anxiety to drop off.
My grandfather had lung cancer so I knew he was going to die. At the end he was in hospice. I was there, cleaning his face, when he died. My uncle was healthy and on his way to work. An 18 wheeler lost control and ran over his truck.
I'm not sure why I've taken these 2 deaths so hard. I can't seem to get over the grief. My grandmother (the one married to the grandfather that died in October) mourns with me but I haven't told anyone else in my family. They aren't very supportive ever.

First of all I want to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved grandfather and uncle. I lost four sisters in the space of three years. Two passed of cancer and two passed of ALS. I come from a family of six girls and one boy...now there are two girls and one boy...my surviving sister and I are very close...our brother has abandoned us. I think the losses of our sisters has been more than he can cope with and he finds it easier to stay away from us at this time. I pray he will reunite with us some day.

I went into a deep depression filled with panic attacks and anxiety during and after the passing of my sisters. There was also the fear of cancer and ALS. I ended up in the ER several times feeling that I could not breathe. I took ativan for a short time and it seemed to take the edge off my anxiety for a time but then began to cause me more anxiety as I began to suffer inter-withdrawal needing more of the drug. Rather than increasing the dosage I weaned off the ativan with the help of my pharmacist. It was very, very hard but I'm so grateful to be off the drug as it was not helping me. I know it does help some people and I am happy for them and feel they should take it if it helps.

I learned through my experience that the only real thing that helps the grief of losing a loved one is time. We must go through the grieving process. People can help us by just being there for us but no one can go through the grief for us. We must go through it and allow ourselves to heal with the passage of time. I do not know if you're a praying person...I am... and prayer and leaning on my higher power whom I call God helped me as I went through the many stages of grief.

I still have my crying times...I just let go and cry as much as I need to...my anxiety and panic attacks do not come as often as they used to. I was always a high-strung person and that has not changed...but I have come through the intense pain and grief and can now think of my sisters without falling apart. As for the fear of cancer and ALS...I know and realize that it could happen to me and to my remaining siblings...I cannot live with fear of it every day of my life. I have learned to cope with the fears...it no longer dominates my every waking thought. I think I have put these fears in their proper place...they are there but they do not control me. I will live every day of my life and strive to be a good parent, grandparent and wife without fearing a death that is going to come someday to all of us. I think I have grown stronger from what I have suffered.

You will get through this sad and hard time in your life. Time will help you heal. Give yourself time to mourn...cry when you need to...remember your loved ones and think of how wonderful it was to share life with them as long as you had them with you. They love you and want for you to live your life to the fullest. May you heal and feel better...Joni

Dear Angelic_Victory, there is no way a friend, relitave, or even a doctor can understand what we are
trying to explain to them, unless they have had a Panic attack themselves. That's why most of us make
this forum a second family where everyone understands. Peace!

Larry ***