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Everyday I feel I'm going to die

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Posted 5/6/2013 3:00 PM (GMT 0)
Hello all. I'm new to HealingWell.. And also to my disorder.

I'm 31, married with a 1 year and 9 month old daughter. Life has never been good to me (but got much better after marriage), but I've always prided in my ability to stay calm and in control even as a young girl. Have never had any medical conditions, rarely fall sick but I do have minor OCD.

In January this year, one night I suddenly felt a tingling in my legs, my feet went cold and a rush went up from my feet to my waist. I broke in cold sweat and got a hot flush almost simultaneously, my heart was beating so fast and I was hyperventilating. I was terrified because I thought I was dying. But I didn't (to my relief).

Fast forward a month later I was having lunch with colleagues and suddenly my hands and lips went numb. I got that hot and cold flash and the same dreadful surge went through my body, this time I also felt faint and my heart was hurting. I rushed to the ER, got ECG, blood test for thyroid and doctor says I'm perfectly fine and that I suffered a full blown panic attack.. (So THATS what the first one was..)

Since then I've suffered attacks constantly. I've gone for endoscopy and seen ENT specialist - both say I have reflux but otherwise healthy. Ok, good right? But I'm only just learning how simpler it is to say that than to believe it.

Now everyday I live with the constant fear of dying. I literally believe every episode will take my life.. As if death is just waiting for me cry
This disorder is ruining my life and I feel so helpless and terrified all the time.. I know we should ride the fear so that we can see that it won't take us anywhere.. But every time I want to try a voice will say "what if you die in a minute shouldn't you say last words to hubs and baby?" And I'll get so terrified I can't do anything other than cling to my husband. So I abandon rational thoughts and this will repeat itself every time..

Can anybody help me..? I'm so sorry for the long post but I'm so desperate for help and just want this to go away.. I want to be me again.. I want to not fear being alone with my baby in case I die and no one knows and she'll be wandering alone in the house.. I want my life back..

Beekay cry
Posted 5/6/2013 3:37 PM (GMT 0)
I can sooo relate to this..
Every day you don't die should make you a little stronger...
Posted 5/6/2013 4:47 PM (GMT 0)
Beekay, I went through many years ago exactly what you're describing what is happening to you now. I also had a slew of physical exams to rule out heart and other medical issue. In short, I was having anxiety/panic attacks and was also hit with feelings of doom and fear of dying. I was prescribed some anti anxiety medication which I took on a very low dosage and a weekly appointment with a psychiatrist but I have to say that it was time and understanding what was happening to me that helped me over this.

When I saw interviews with people who experienced the same thing, I realized whatever these feelings were they were not real and would not kill me. Please see your doctor to see if you can benefit from a prescription to help you through this time. In my case, it was helpful to find out everything I could learn about anxiety and the more I understood, the more I realized I could try to overcome it.

We could examine at length 'why' this happens. The past? The present? People? Kids? Your job? The house? Whatever. I just know, after about 25 years, that back then I felt powerless when I was hit with it and it seemed like forever. Understand that you are going to be ok. Keep communication open to your family about this and see how your doctor can help.

Best wishes!
Posted 5/6/2013 5:17 PM (GMT 0)
hi BeeKay, it seems like a hundred years ago I had my first PAD attack, it was about 30, I had been
everywhere done everything thought I was bullet proof, then bam a lightning strike of intense fear of death. I fought PAD for the next half of my life, this was before computers and places like this forum.
I want to mention a couple of things, first you are not even close to dying, this condition wont kill you
but it sure will make you miserable. My observations have brought me to believe its the subconscious mind
pushing our panic button and it really does feel like we are dying. Please take the time to read as many
different peoples posts as you can, I believe you will see your story repeated many times over this should
re-assure you that what you are experiencing tho unpleasant is not deadly. Then read the resources there are many different systems designed to give you the upper hand to overpower this monster of the subconscious. Many of our members will explain their own struggle and tell you how they deal with it.
All in all this is the place to find help and healing, I bet before long you will be reaching out to others to
reassure them that they will be ok! Your Friend.
Larry ***

Post Edited (lgm1942) : 5/6/2013 1:49:09 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 5/6/2013 10:26 PM (GMT 0)
Hello there. I just wanted to say hi and let you know that you are not alone. I don't have the kind of panic attacks you have but I have anxiety attacks. I always feel like something bad is going to happen that I won't be able to handle. I guess I fear having to go back into the hospital due to my having a breakdown. That is my biggest fear, that and losing everything I have accumulated, my house, car, etc.

Have you seen a therapist or anyone?
Posted 5/7/2013 2:43 AM (GMT 0)
Just a quick note here your member name Beekay strongly reminds me of the main character of a book I am reading and his name is Peekay.

But I know what you going through I remember when my anxiety was bad I constantly felt like every little symptom would kill me and every single attack or symptoms of an attack. I always thought that it was directly correlated towards my heart. I got tested and got every test I'm the boom for my heart and everything came out normal. I was very happy to hear this but for some reason I still didn't believe in it because I still kept having all of these symptoms into chest and was worried that I'd drop dead out of no where and was afraid every single day because of the thought of death and leaving my family. But therapy and doctors visits are starting to make me realize that maybe these thought are irrational and maybe I actually don't have anything to worry about. And when I don't think about the negatives and only the positives and remind myself of the truth, and not of what I think of in my head, I start to feel alot better and enjoy life a bit more. When I start to feel anxiety or panicky I runs myself of the truths often health and try to change my thought process and with using coping techniques I start to feel alot better. Being scared is no way to live your life. You know for a fact that you are healthy. Use that information to your advantage.
Posted 5/7/2013 2:45 AM (GMT 0)
Sorry I meant to say I got every test in the book.
Posted 5/7/2013 2:47 AM (GMT 0)
I am sorry for the many typos in that response geez.
Posted 5/7/2013 1:12 PM (GMT 0)
I understand completely! This was my daily life for a few years :-( I still am dealing with it to some degree, but CBT therapy has been helping a lot! I'm still quick overreact to aches & pains & worst case scenario, but getting better. I highly recommend CBT therapy. This is no way to live. I started feeling guilty that I was so busy worrying about my symptoms & myself that I wasn't being the mommy or wife I wanted to be.

Anxiety can rob your quality of life....but it doesn't have to. It takes time & patience along with some work, but you can & will get thru this. I've found my faith and it's helped a lot, but whatever is key for you, I hope you the best in unlocking this anxiety and living limitless. You can do this :-)
Posted 5/8/2013 3:20 AM (GMT 0)
Hi guys.. gosh thanks so much for the replies.. I'm relieved that there are many like me but sad at the same time that we have to go through this.. It's so dreadful isn't it..

Yesterday was another sleepless night.. felt my stomach fluttering and thought it was my soul leaving my body :( Spent the wee hours one hand holding my husband's hand the other my daughter's.. what a way to live eh guys.. The thing is, I am extremely logical and rational.. I KNOW nothing's going to happen because, well, I'm still alive but that goes out the window when these attacks happen. And the weird thing is, my mom is terminally ill and I tell her everyday that she's fine, nothing's gonna happen to calm her down when she gets worked up, but I can't apply the same logic to myself..

I'm not on medication (yet), trying to beat this thing as naturally as possible.. I guess I just need to hear from all of you how we can one day get better.. or get used to it.. after all, it's only been 4 months since this started, right..

Much love to all, may we all one day finally find ourselves again :*
Posted 5/8/2013 6:06 AM (GMT 0)
I Pray you don't have it long enough to get used to it,
Beekay you and your Family are much on my mind
and in my Prayers, You will overcome this.
"I Promise".

Larry ***
Posted 5/8/2013 11:54 PM (GMT 0)
I'm the exact same way I even have reflux mine started in jan too and I went to the doc they said it was reflux it makes me feel like I can't breath sometime. What symptoms are you having with the reflux
Posted 5/9/2013 12:24 AM (GMT 0)
Common generic prilosec otc from Sams or Walmart will control re flux, if you miss one it will remind you.
Larry ***
Posted 5/9/2013 12:12 PM (GMT 0)

Anxiety sucks said...
I'm the exact same way I even have reflux mine started in jan too and I went to the doc they said it was reflux it makes me feel like I can't breath sometime. What symptoms are you having with the reflux

Hi there. Whatever symptoms they list out on the net I have it rolleyes vapor rising up my throat, cold scary feeling in my throat, a feeling like I can't breath especially when lying down, hot sensation in stomach, I used to sing now I can't hit the high notes, hoarseness, sore throat.. And the list goes on *sigh*.. I'm on Zantac but they make my face numb so I only take one when I REALLY need to.. I sound like a hypochondriac eh..
Posted 5/9/2013 6:50 PM (GMT 0)
Any of the generic Prilosce's will control Re-flux.

Larry ***
Posted 5/11/2013 3:40 PM (GMT 0)
Environmental anxiety is rough... On one hand you may experience's anxiety because of all of your responsibilities, on the other hand you may experience anxiety if you limit your responsibilities. Being a mother and working outside of the home at the same times as going through the natural changes of an aging body WILL create a state of panic. Your mind can only handle/juggle so many things before it starts to fragment. Take a break, give yourself a break. Ask for tangible help. Do for yourself what you would suggest another suffering woman to do. Get a massage. Walk alone for 20 minutes a day (bring a cell phone, it will help eliminate "aloneness" anxiety). Have a glass of red wine while taking a bath. Be as kind to yourself a you can. If you aren't being kind to yourself you are really just bullying, imagine the anxiety that can be created from that.
Also I recommend get the book: you can heal yourself by Lousie Hays.. Amazing!
Good luck. Be nice and love yourself
Posted 5/11/2013 11:27 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Bettyzilla and thanks for your input! Please feel free to post with us anytime. This is a great place to both give and receive support!

You may want to start a new thread of introduction for yourself if you feel comfortable doing so. This way more people can welcome you aboard!

Talk to you soon.;)

Scaredy Cat
Posted 5/12/2013 2:50 AM (GMT 0)
Remember, you are not alone, as you can see on this thread. My heart goes out to you. I have panic attacks and shun people, although I'm ok if I take the plunge to get into a social situation. I'm trying to get more exercise. I hope you can find a good talk person (counseling). As far as the reflux, I'm trying the pro-biotic route. It's different with each person. You have to hunker down and find what's best for you. Believe me, you can do this. You are stronger than you think. And this site is wonderful. Good luck and God bless.
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