VENT

Hello second family :)

I'm in need of a vent that increased my anxiety. As I posted previously I am considered for placement of my cousin from State custody. Well.. today I got notified that the other potential placement fell through for the other 3 kids and they cannot all be separated. The worker asked me if I can take 2 children. STRESS set in. Just the question. I felt myself feeling worse dizziness and just in a "zone". I could do it, I am always wanting to fix everything and make everyone happy and I fear that I might regret it later? Who knows, I could love it.... I enjoy kids a great deal but I don't want to take away from my two sons but yet I don't want my little cousins to live in foster care their childhood and grow up without out family.

I was talking to my sister about things... well she has always been known to lie. Well she said that my cousin (the mother of the children) said "she has enough of her own issues and thinks she is going to die every 20 seconds and can barely take care of her own children." Supposedly this was said to an aunt. I called my aunt and she said it wasn't ever said. So evidently thats my sisters personal opinion of me. Hurtful to say the least and maddening. I confronted her though!!! YAY me! I said I am a GREAT mommy, I spend almost all my free time with my kids, I don't have "issues" I have anxiety and that I am managing it via therapy and that millions of people have anxiety. It doens't mean I'm mentally unwell & can't function!!!!! Shes someone that has depression herself, always looking to get others down.

about the children, I have to have a talk with my husband tonight... I'm really unsure if I want to take on the responsibility of two more children. Its a huge commitment and I know I could do it... just not sure if I want to. Its not a decision to make in an hour. Thank you sooo much for reading/listening. I need to get it out where I know it won't come back to bite me and to people I can trust understand.

Much love <3

Thanks Larry, I needed that. I am having faith in God that things will work out the way they are meant to be. I do love the children, I can only imagine the hurt and anxiety that they are feeling. The caseworker said they are all having a very hard time adapting. I want from the bottom of my heart to be able to take them into my home and show them that everything is okay and that family is there for them. The mother, however, doesn't feel that way. She has the attitude if she can't have them, no one can. I'm afraid of the revenge she will try to seek for purely helping.

We all have our problems in life. I get upset when people view anxiety as a huge "sickness" or problem. Yes, its inconvenient and miserable.. but only to me. If I didn't tell anyone, they wouldn't know! Yet when its used against me seeking me out to be a "weirdo or someone that had major issues" I get upset. Its why I just needed to vent. I'm super sensative to stressors...something I thought I'd have a little better grasp on by now being in therapy since last November at once a week. Some of us are just wired that way I guess. Just don't want it to take its toll on my health. Stress isn't healthy for anyone as we know. As always, thank you for replying Larry!

thank. You S.C.

I'm a bit calmer at the moment and talked with my husband. I feel as if I've drifted through yesterday and today due to stress/anxiety. I really appreciate being able to come on here & receive support.