Relapse

Hello,
So everything has sort of been going fairly well for me lately. I received a promotion at work and have been really excited/slightly nervous about it. I have lost weight and on the anxiety front I have been mostly free from the dread. I am in fact out of therapy for now since my therapist feels like I am on a roller-coaster going nowhere but up (to paraphrase a book I read not too long ago). I feel like things have been going well for me even though I am still under the peril of dealing with mounting medical and personal bills. I have received a few diagnosis which are somewhat settling but at the same time a bit worrisome. From the sleep clinic it is apparent I have sleep apnea and restless leg syndrome which is possibly a cause of my anxiety/tension in the first place. The study also said I have some psychosocial issues which might be causing me to not be getting a full night's rest. I am following up with a sleep specialist (who is actually a neurologist who has an additional specialty). So we will know more soon, on the cardiac front it seems like everything is good other than I have an enlarged right valve and slightly elevated pulmonary pressure. Anyway aside from having to take out a $600 loan to put some money down on my C-PAP I have been doing fairly well...aside from one thing. I have, for the last three weekends, drank on each Saturday night. Previously I had been sober for three months but I feel like I have relapsed. Now I know this isn't an alcoholics anonymous forum or anything like that, but I felt like this would be a good place to vent and possibly receive some answers. I have blacked out each night I have drank, I am thinking possibly due to the medicine I am taking (Lexapro). I read that is one of the side-effects. I really enjoy drinking, specifically I enjoy alcohol, but I understand it does nothing but hinder my recovery from anxiety. I am going to do my best not to drink again, for as long as I can, but it is at times hard. I love the way I lose myself in alcohol and I lose my inhibitions so quickly that it is soon hard for me to control myself and say "I will only have X amount of beers". Anyway, I just wanted to rant. I hope you are all doing well and continue to do well with your anxiety recovery. I am doing really well it's just like the beast (anxiety) is trying to pull me back in.

Yours sincerity and solidarity,
Rxclusion

Wondered how you were doing, happy about your job situation, your a pretty smart person and at some
point I feel you will make the correct choice, had a serious drinking problem myself, I didn't want to quit,
but over time I could see and feel the damage it was causing and of all things I just quit, I don't have a
good explanation, guess I just quit fighting a war no one cared about but me.

Good luck what ever road you choose!

Larry ***