Feeling stressed because I don't go out

I've been working on my social skills go out more, be more sociable and take some risks, but I can't go out every weekend; I don't have many friends and some things... MAybe I don't try my best. This Saturday I'm eating pizza at home watching tv and I feel so good. But I also feel guilty because I think I should be out ivniting someone some place.

But I actually did invite to a friend for an ice cream but he's not in town and another friend was going to come but he couldn't (my ex roomate), so at least I tried.

But I still feel like I should do a little bit more. When I go out is almost with jus one friend and to specific places, and the friend is almost always a guy, like people would think he's my boyfriend or something and won't approach to me, I know I should "open" more my circle but ah, I have problems with that. Last week this friend and I (which is only my friend, no romantic feelings or anything) went to the movies and other two friends came, I didn't feel comfortable with them, I started to feel nervous and there was an uncomfortable silence, they said: so what? where are we going? noone said anything, so they left to some place and my friend and I went to other place. I just didn't feel comfortable with them but I felt I should have said smoething so we could go some place together, my friend said he didn't say anything because he knew I dind't feel good with them.

I'm too closed, I know, but two or three more people just feel like a crowded place for me and it's to much, I can't handle it well and I don't have fun.

Is it that wrong to go out with just one or two people? when I think about having a boyfriend I feel like he will feel I'm very clingy and will get bored. But i am like this, I feel comfortable with one or two people, no more. Is that wrong?

Post Edited (GreekGoddess) : 5/31/2013 11:16:02 PM (GMT-6)

Goddes, you are what you are, personally I prefer someone who doesn't play the field, never did and I'v
been around a long time, somewhere there is someone who will fit into your life perfectly, don't conform
to society's rules. "Sometimes that gut feeling you get about other people is your instincts, an accumulated
lifetime of little things you pickup that may almost be unnoticeable to others. In any case the Love of your
Life is still out there, If I had it to do over I would marry my best friend, a man and woman who are real
friends make the worlds best lovers! In short I can't see anything wrong with your life. Peace!

Larry ***

I am the same way right now I feel I need to get out more get a girlfriend. Right now though all that just seems like work. I figure it will happen when it happens. It will for you too Goddess, if that is what want. I only have a small group of friends who I do not see much anymore. We are still friends just they are busy with kids and wives and life. When things settle down, and kids grow up we will start doing things again.
Ed

I'm also an introvert. I always had a comfort zone ever since I was young that when I'm outside of it, I feel unsafe, nervous and afraid. From time to time I learned how to make some friends but was so choosy, I never got close to the people I didn't like. I was able to hang out with my friends before but having health anxiety right now changed everything. Sometimes walking outside makes my legs feel that they aren't there, if I get excited with my friends my BP goes up (142/91) and I have visual disturbances like strobe-like or flickering shadows in my vision when moving my eyeballs from right to left that really freaks me out so much. I also get inner tremors within my legs like the ground is mildly shaking by just standing and whenever these things happen a panic attack is usually around every corner waiting for the kill. Not being able to go outside drives me nuts and feel so abnormal. Also some people here don't understand what I'm going through. I feel so lost with these fears of mine. The last thing I ever wanted right now is for someone to understand and I'm glad I found this forum that made me feel I'm not alone. Also I wanted to break free from this anxiety.

I tried going out sometimes even if I feel bad or anxious. It just feels great to have a successful day outside without having panic attacks but my days still have ups and downs yet I feel thankful for each day even if I get frustrated or depressed with my symptoms. It's true not locking yourself inside your comfort zone is one step in overcoming anxiety. It's also hard for me but we should try our best.

I agree with some of the others on here - there is no "should" and no "normal" and no "requirement" when it comes to socializing. IF or when you feel lonely, that's when you "need" to socialize. If you're happy chilling out alone or with only one friend, that's fine. I think socialization is a recreational thing for the most part. It's something you only have to do when you desire to.

As far as worrying about love, I don't think being an introvert will keep any of you who posted about it from finding love. People rarely find a true connection when they're out looking for it. At some point, someone will come into your life that you just can't live without. That's "the one" and you probably wouldn't find him/her at some club or event, even if you were going those places looking. You'll find them when it's time for them to come into your life.

Being an introvert will not make you a poor partner for romance, either. My husband has extreme social anxiety issues. I am VERY extroverted. In high school, I was on student government, class officer, spoke at most of our programs, etc. etc. He didn't go to his own prom or graduation. We're a perfect fit. When we were dating, he allowed me the freedom to go out with my friends and socialize without guilt. When we were together, it was usually just us, somewhere not public. I didn't think he was clingy - I felt honored to have his undivided attention.

We've been together for over a decade now. We're still both us. I am in civic/social organizations and very involved in the community. He stays at home a lot. On Saturday nights, we have "date nights" where we go somewhere that's comfortable for him. Last night, that was a small Italian restaurant that only seats around 20. We go close to closing time (I know the owners very well).

There are events that we both wish he could participate in that he sometimes just can't handle. We deal with those events as they arrive - that's a part of his SAD, not his personality.

Being an introvert won't keep you from having a happy relationship with the right person. Someone will see the beauty in who you are and be honored that you share that with them.

Joja, I don't think you give yourself credit for the good that you do, for instance on this forum, your always
trying to help someone, you give good advice, your kind, all in all your a pretty good ol boy.
It takes courage to offer advice or help when you are hurting yourself and I know that sometimes you were
you just wanted to give a little hope or help to some one else. Never fear whats right, never back down
from something wrong, live as near like the Lord as possible. One other thing women will always have better
blood pressure than us! Peace!

Larry ***

Larry, thank you, I feel very blessed to have him! :)

Jojanxiety ~ You're already playing an important role. Sometimes, it's easy for us to overlook the good we do. I think that's the case with you. :)

If you want to be more involved in organizations, though, there are small steps you can take towards that. You don't have to be on a stage or in the public eye to be involved. Look around your community - what's there? There are behind the scenes things that every group needs. These things would help you slowly get to know members rather than everyone at once. Whether it is painting a flight of stairs for community theater, folding flyers for a charity, helping a food bank unload or sort food, or collecting old newspapers and dropping them off at the animal shelter. That's ONLY if you'd like to get involved in that kind of way, though. You don't have to be a part of any group to be important.

Larry has already highlighted one of your important contributions to society. I'm sure there are more. Try not to overlook the good that you do in this world. Hugs to you! :)

Thank you Larry. I'm gonna do my best to stop worrying about my BP.

I'm glad to hear people saying that there should be no pressures when it comes to socializing. But being alone is simply depressing so it's good to have one TRUE friend or two. In my case I have my wife and some friends. But there are times when my wife wants to go out sometimes but I prefer being at home due to my anxiety and it brings her down. I can see she's having a hard time understanding what I'm going through and it makes me feel down to see her that way. But every time I go out when I'm anxious is a whole different experience to me, it makes me feel stronger somehow. So I would like to suggest people with anxiety to socialize with other people they feel comfortable with. It doesn't mean you have to go outside and meet different people each day or be a part of different groups. It's just finding someone to talk to and hang out with who knows how to listen and helping some of your friends out if they need you. I already tried going out anxious without being so focused about my body sensations and it's so darn hard but in the end of the day I can tell my anxiety I still have the upper hand.

Thanks to my HW family for your kind words. Berock good suggestion. It sounds fun but I'm not sure how it will play out with my anxiety. Better to find out than doing nothing. Thanks again. I don't have these kind of ideas because worrying takes so much of my time. And weird symptoms keeps me from going outside my comfort zone. But thinking and acting on everything you, Larry and everyone said without a doubt will bring brighter days ahead of us anxiety sufferers out there.

I also want to recommend a really good anime I've seen before that will also keep you entertained. It's about "socializing" with other people. The main character is an introvert and a hikikomori. The title is "Welcome to NHK". You might want to check it out. It's not your typical anime fantasy genre. It's more of a serious and mature type of anime.
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Welcome_to_the_N.H.K.

Joja thanks for those two posts you put up tonight on I just want to be happy's forum, it's some of the
best advice ever and from real doctors! I feel it will help everyone who suffers from PAD! Peace Brother!

Larry ***

GG, different is really cool!

Larry ***