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Hello, Starting my recovery to Pure Obsessional OCD!

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Posted 6/25/2013 5:47 AM (GMT 0)
I have Pure Obsessional OCD! it is mostly about harming or going crazy obsessions sometimes is one, sometimes both. Lately every time i get mad at someone, or i see people i don't like, or anything that seems weird. I start having this intrusive thoughts What if I am crazy and i think I am paranoid? Like in the movie black swan ? or any other movie where people go crazy.
I also the other day leaving my outside and i saw this creepy neighbor that was have waving at me,at least that is what it seemed maybe he was waiving to another neighbor and i just happen to be there,he is really annoying my mom doesn't like him.Just when it happened I had this thought , OMG i am crazy i am hallucinating this neighbor says hi to me. After that when i left in the car he was staring at the car.Anyway instead of thinking , well that neighbor was kind of weird. I think OMG I am paranoid !! I am schizophrenic :S!! and i get in to a panic attack.
I started my self help book for ocd. And I am supposed to not seek or check anything online of what is happening to me. This is so hard!! then when i calm down i think if OMG i am must be crazy who fears to this , this is so stupid .I went to my doctor and he put me on 20 of lexapro , i took it for one year before but at 10 mg and it worked.But then after a lot of anxiety my OCD came back. And i have tried with a lot of pills, and i have not had any success,I swear every time I argue with some one i am like :S!! what if i go crazy? When I feel normal i dont think this way , i am sure about what i do and i don't have this thoughts.And before one day i got a intrusive thought about going crazy, i have never had any symptom of anything , no hallucinations, not even a single problem.
I want to ask all of you for some advise,Should I take the lexapro , i am waiting to get another therapy provider last one was not really good.
This is really hard for me to talk about ,but If i can say it to some one is in here, because i know people here might understand, and not laugh or think i am nuts.

Thank you and if you have OCD read "The OCD workbook" by Bruce M. Hyman and Cherry Pedrick , RN

Thanks for reading

karen cry cry cry cry confused confused
Posted 6/25/2013 3:58 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Karen.

I am sorry that you are going throught so much right now. Those intrusive thoughts are exhausting and distressing.:(

It is great though that you are proactively seeking to help yourself!

Keep working on the book! See how you do with the recommendations given there. This might make your decision to take the Rx or not easier...according to what you read and learn.

Finding a new therapist can be tricky, but in the end it is so worth it! I wish you the best, and am sure that you will end up with the right one if you keep up the search.

Have you checked out our Resource section here? We have a lot of great self-help ideas that could help you out until you find your new therapy. There are OCD downloadable worksheets there that could be beneficial for your situation.

Keep posting here with us as well. We are here to understand and listen.:)

S.C.
Posted 6/26/2013 1:50 AM (GMT 0)
Dear Karen, I have no experience with your medicine, but I did take xanax since the day it came on the
market, I did not nor ever had any addiction problems I haven't used one in over two years now.
However when my problems first started I was afraid to take anything that might make me think different
I was afraid it would change my personality, long story made short one night during a severe panic attack I
took one and shut the attack down, it did make me sleep but never altered my thinking. What I think we
all fear is loss of Control especially in public. Karen am I picking up on a bit of an anger issue, I ask
because when I was young I tried to correct all the wrong in the world by fighting, after I got older I learned the most powerful punch in the Universe it's called Forgiveness!, I am no longer angry. Peace

Larry ***
Posted 6/27/2013 5:37 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you for the advise Larry. Xanax is not addictive, I think it is when people take too much of it. But to be honest xanax makes me sleepy, I would never take in the day. I only take it at night 1 tablet of 5mg or 2.5mg , if i don't need I don't take it, I know it would not change my thoughts. My OCD just makes me feel like at any minute i could harm someone or be crazy.
When I said about the anger , is because right now i get intrusive thoughts that make me scared that if i am angry is because i have a mental problem. Most of the time even if i get upset at someone i am not a problematic or aggressive person. I just get upset, but right now i am in a constant checking need of everything i feel or i do. Most of the time I forgive people, i get upset like anyone but right now , i get this though " What if i am bad? "
I know it sounds so weird , but OCD really doesn't make sense. I have never attacked, hurt , or done anything aggressive, i always feel guilty for what happens to everyone, I have never had any psychotic or schizophrenic symptoms , no reason to even think i have that !until one day i got a intrusive thought and i got a panic attack about it ! then i started fearing every mental disease, and checking if i do hallucinate or is just my anxiety.
Sometimes I think , Why do I have this, I feel angry at this disease , i wish i could just be normal again !! that is what makes me feel irritable and tired. I am still trying to find a therapy provider. Last one well she just doesnt know about CBT for ocd much.
But you are right , even when i get mad I feel like i have to apologize because right now my nerves are not good enough to be arguing with people, and i think i panic thinking that i am bad and its for something is not even worth it.It hurts me to argue with someone right now, beacause i fear i am paranoid .I don't know if its a compulsion but i try to make peace, because i know right now I am just not in the best mood ,i am not very patient and sometimes is my fault.

Thank you for your advise
Posted 6/27/2013 5:41 AM (GMT 0)
I swear at some point in my life i could watch, a beautiful mind movie or horror movies. I actually enjoyed paranormal stuff, and all those movies. But right now my OCD is really bad !

Thank you scaredy cat you always answer my posts. it really helps me to say it , because it is hard very hard to talk about this stuff.

Thank you again
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