Question about therapy

She said something about the "ABCs" of recovery. I can't remember what A was, but B was identifying your beliefs about the situation and C was changing those beliefs.

I don't think I can change 18 years worth of beliefs in the middle of a breakdown. I just want to learn how to drag myself out of bed, and handle the tasks I need to handle... That's probably a bad attitude, but I've pretty much abandoned the idea of feeling happy/healthy. I just want to at least be functional...

Hi BeRock,

I hope you are well :) I'm sorry to hear you have been poorly recently with your sickness too.

I hope that goes away soon, and that the GP/ Doctors, etc help you properly with these things.

I did type a whole bit about therapy, but I didn't want to influence your thoughts in that way, I think that S.C. has a good point reference you being in charge.

I think it is a good idea to discuss with your therapist that there are things you'd not like to talk about, I don't think you need to pressure yourself to talk or think about them, there might still be other things you'd like to talk about in therapy or not.
I really hope you are having a good day :D Best wishes BeRock

Thank you guys for the support. :)

I actually didn't even have to bring it up - she said she didn't think I was ready to talk about the three specific events/series of events that I am not ready to deal with.

We did talk about some of the events that have led to some of my unhealthy patterns of thought, that I'm more comfortable talking about. One thing that I really, really want to get past is my fear of driving (she still says it's a phobia, I don't really call it that because now I DO drive some, I walked or bummed rides everywhere for over 6 years).

The driving and the guilt/fear of harming others tie into one another - and they control my life. Have for years.

It was a five day series of five wrecks (the week I was supposed to get my license), in which one person was decapitated, one infant was killed, several people were put into comas, and my best friend who had just signed her letter of intent for an athletic scholarship was put into a coma, lost feeling in her legs for six months and lost the ability to USE those legs for around a year. She never got to play sports again and didn't go to college, the last time I heard from her she had been in rehab for heroine. I feel responsible for every one of those wrecks and their results - I wasn't driving in any of them. Everyone says they're not my fault, but I can't believe that. I hope that I can find a way to believe that through therapy.

I handled talking about that stuff okay. It hurts, but I actually maybe NEED to talk about it. I have a lot of guilt about those events, but they don't make me hate myself and the body I'm in like the other events.

There are some others that I can handle talking about and plan to. There are actually around 15 events or series of events. She and I have put three of those episodes of trauma on the shelf for now. If I can handle 12 out of 15, I think I'll be a happier person than I have ever imagined being.

Happy Bean - thank you for your support and for all of the consideration you put into what you say to me, as well as others here.

Larry - thank you friend. I want to find a place where I can say, "I am no longer afraid of the ghosts of yesterday I am too busy living in the Glow of Today!" :) Love you!

S.C. - Yes, I think there are other people who are perfectly functional who've been through a lot more trauma or similar trauma to myself without the benefit of therapy. Probably not in the same combination but similar or much, much worse. I actually told my husband last week that I almost don't feel like I "deserve" the excuse of PTSD - that's something that people like veterans experience. I feel pretty weak for having it, really. I know that isn't what you were implying - don't worry - that's just kind of how I feel about it.

I took your advice about this - "If you just need to learn some coping skills, work on the OCD and lessen your anxiety overall...then you tell your therapist exactly that today.:)"

While I want to work on some of the issues, I need to find a way to be fairly functional again SOON, or I'm going to lose my job and damage the few relationships I haven't already lost this spring. Next week, we're going to focus purely on coping skills. :) Thanks so much for the advice, I wouldn't have thought to put it that way, which was exactly what I needed to say.

Much love to all three of you! Thank you! :-D

Thank you, S.C.!

It amazes me how you seem to have so much insight into others and how they feel. Some of the posts that I read, I can't think of a single thing to say. Then, when I see your response, I'm always like, "Yeah! That's SO right!" lol

Thank you for being here for all of us - and more specifically, thank you for being here for me. :)

BR,

Actually I have had the same thought about your responses! (and other members too) But you have a gift in comforting people with your words as well.

That is what makes this community GREAT!! Different people relate to different things...we may find that a post really resonates with us, so we answer and connect with that other member...at other times, we are at a loss...but someone else has just the right sentiment to reach out to that soul!

I love HW, and am so proud of all of our members. You are an important part of our collective...and I so appreciate your contributions!

S.C.

A song for all of us. Recording by John Denver

Today, while the blossoms still cling to the vine
I'll taste your strawberries, I'll drink your sweet wine
A million tomorrows will all pass away
then I'll forget all the joy that is mine, Today.

I'' be a dandy, and I'll be a rover
you'll know who I am by the songs that I sing
I'll feast at your table, I'll sleep in your clover
Who cares what tomorrow will bring.

I can't be contented with yesterdays glory
I cant live on promises from winter to spring
today is my moment, now is my story
I'll laugh and I'll cry and I'll sing

Peace

Larry ***