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panic attack/throat closing feeling

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Posted 7/16/2013 3:59 AM (GMT 0)
I'm currently mid-panic.

My cousin, college apartment mate, and one of the sweetest girls has had a wreck. She was 8 months pregnant. The baby died - but she hasn't had it yet. I don't know how badly she's hurt. Her mom's having a breakdown and no one is supposed to know.

If I had any idea what hospital she was in, I don't think I could physically manage not to go. Except, I don't think I could physically manage to go.

She's scared of driving like I am, for the same reason I am, and now she's lost her baby because of a wreck and that's the thing you can't take back, is death, and it was her own baby, and I don't know what she's going to do! I don't know how to help when I'm not even supposed to know yet, and when I can acknowledge I know, there's just no way I can help. There's nothing I can do. I don't know what to do.

I don't know why they won't go ahead and induce labor, I don't know if she's too badly hurt to have it, or even at all if she's okay. I basically only know she's alive.

She's my girl. We're not close socially, but we're very connected. I've been with her through some awful things. I even sometimes used to wake up with her asleep in my bed when she had night terrors. I just feel like I need to be with her. But, I mean there's just no way I can FIX this! There's just no fixing it. I mean, what, "here, let me help you plan your unborn baby's funeral?" What the crap can I do!?!?

And I'm having this very scary panic attack, physically. My throat feels like it's closing up, which is sending me even more over the edge because I have anaphalactic (whatever, can't spell) allergic reactions, except I know this isn't that because I can swallow and I can open my eyes and stuff and I'm sitting here typing, but omigosh my throat FEELS like it does when it swells closed but I know it's not, it's just I want to try to fix this for her and I know I can't and I've got myself so darned owirked up.

Is anyone on here? I don't know what to do. I can't even call my mother because she doesn't know yet that this has happened.

Omygoofness, panic attack combined witht his is just crazy. Gosh, I dont now what to do. Thought about taling a bendryl but then, if I can go, then I wouldn't be able to go, excpet she's probably in te city and I can't drive there. but if i take meds then I can't even drive if she's here in the hosptal where I can drive to.

Oh my goodness, I need to figure out the right thing to do when I'm dreaking out like this. If I can't get it together, I wont be able to help when I can help but I don't think i can help anyway.
Posted 7/16/2013 4:11 AM (GMT 0)
You can do what you have done many times pray that God hands strength in her time of need&friends and family I pray Gods healing hand that he touch&restore even in the time of unknown,I pray his hands on healing of broken hearts in his mighty name. I speak it done&it's so God bless you dear.
Posted 7/16/2013 4:14 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you Soul.
Posted 7/16/2013 4:42 AM (GMT 0)
I also in a mid state panic mode right now in my own reasons. I really hope we can do something to ourselves as much as we can do to help others. There are times like this when we can do nothing at all and wish we can stop time or have it run backwards and prevent something bad from happening. Everything is in God's hands. I'll pray for your cousin.
Posted 7/16/2013 3:54 PM (GMT 0)
BR,

I am so sorry to hear of this news. You are surely in shock, a state of panic and worry for your dear cousin.

I will be in prayer for her and your family. I will also be checking in on you...so update us when you can.

Take care of yourself, so that you can be of support to her when the time comes to visit her.  Try not to project into the future about things.  You will know what to say and do when the time comes.  You love eachother, and she will  need you to just be there with her and be the presence that you are to her!

Rely on your breathing and coping skills at this time to keep the panic at bay.

Talk to you soon.

S.C.
Posted 7/16/2013 4:29 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you guys for the prayers.

Joja, I hope you feel better today, sweetie!

I ended up taking two Benadryl last night even though I knew I wasn't really having anaphelaxis (s/p?). (I did resist the epipen, after asking my husband about 50 times if my nose or eyes were swelling. lol) I went to sleep and slept soundly, but woke up feeling kind of like a drug abuser. As fast as my mind is racing, though, my physical symptoms are still basically at bay.

She still hasn't had the baby. There's one drug they can give her to induce labor, but it isn't working. There's another drug that would work but it would be illegal for them to use it in our state. Unintended consequence of a poorly written law, from what I gather.

She's hurt pretty badly and obviously very upset, but I think her body is going to be okay. She's given the go-ahead for family to know, but doesn't want anyone there yet. She's asked them to just help her stay asleep as much as possible until she can have the baby.

The wreck wasn't her fault - someone pulled out of a parking lot and hit her. I'm glad it wasn't her fault, b/c I know how she thinks sometimes. I really hate it for the person who WAS at fault. I'm sure that it was just a mistake and they must feel terrible.

I'm just praying for her and considering firing off some angry emails to senators and such. lol

Thank you guys for being here for me. I was trying to keep it under control at home, because hubby is very, very protective of her (She's been through some REAL stuff.) and I didn't want to trigger him, too. (Dual panic attack homes are a mess. haha) And I couldn't call my other family because I was the only person who was supposed to know yet. (Back story, her mother had lost three children this late term.)

Anyway... I'm okay, I'm praying for her and thank y'all for praying for her, too, and thank y'all for being my support system.

Love, love
Posted 7/17/2013 3:16 AM (GMT 0)
I know I'm too late JB but I will Pray to!

Larry ***
Posted 7/17/2013 4:17 AM (GMT 0)
You're not too late, Larry.

She delivered her this evening. She still needs lot of prayers, lots and lots. :(
Posted 7/17/2013 4:28 AM (GMT 0)
Done Little Sister!
(((:=)
Larry ***
Posted 7/17/2013 5:07 AM (GMT 0)
Bless your cousin's heart! RIP little angel.

Just be there to love on your family...and we will be here to support and hold you up in your sadness and anxiety due to this tragedy.

Talk to you soon.

S.C.
Posted 7/17/2013 6:02 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you, guys! *Hugs*

Her immediate family has said that she doesn't want to be contacted. I'm worried that isn't true, but it may be. Her first pregnancy was the stuff lifetime movies are made of, and I was told that then. I had gone to the hospital while she was in labor and was basically asked to leave. The day after she got home, she called me in the wee hours crying and asked if I could please come to her house. I ended up staying there, sleeping in the living room with her for days/weeks, because she was so scared and couldn't sleep. She eventually made her way through that with therapy.

I'm not a favorite among some of her immediate family. They thought I was a bad influence on her in college. I did influence her to wear cheap clothes and go without makeup if she wanted to, lol. (I've always been the free spirit/black sheep.)

I don't know. I'm probably just obsessing. Maybe. I dunno.

No panic attacks today, though. Kinda numb.

Just took a benadryl, hoping to sleep tonight. I slept SO well last night after taking it, thinking I was having a reaction. Today, though, I felt pretty guilty for sleeping well while she was in the hospital going through that... I don't know. Maybe that doesn't make sense.
Posted 7/18/2013 3:59 PM (GMT 0)
Tony,

I appreciate your kind words of sympathy. Thank you.

However, I've already visited your "blog" and am aware that those are hoplinks to the products you're "reviewing" which generates a commission for you if anyone purchases the products to which you link. So, I find your advice about those products likely disingenuous.
Posted 7/18/2013 5:05 PM (GMT 0)
Sorry about that BR! :(

I hope that you are okay today, and know that we continue to keep your cousin and family in prayer!

S.C.
Posted 7/18/2013 5:24 PM (GMT 0)
That's okay, S.C.! You do a great job moderating!

I notice those things pretty quickly because of my work background, but I worry about other people being tricked. I'm not saying the products don't work, but I think it's a tricky/misleading sales method. I've thought about posting about how to recognize hop links, but I figured that was way too off-topic. :)

I'm doing okay today and I appreciate your continued support and prayers - especially for my cousin. Hope you're doing okay, as well. Hugs to you, friend. :)
Posted 7/18/2013 5:35 PM (GMT 0)
Yes, thanks for helping to keep an eye out for these types of things...

Our Admin would rather us err on the side of caution, as he has a heart for helping people first and foremost...and doesn't want us to get too heavy handed with the regulations.

I therefore try to give people the benefit of the doubt...but sometimes, it is just not possible if they will not comply...or it is apparent they are not here to participate, but to profit!

Any memeber can alert Peter to a post that they consider SPAM, or certainly if it contains mention of self-harm or violence. Just click on the exclamation point in the tool bar.:)

Hugs coming back your way.

S.C.
Posted 7/18/2013 5:57 PM (GMT 0)
Always better to err on the side of compassion. I appreciate that you guys do it that way! I've made some mistakes on here, as well. :)
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