I decided today that I just need to put a disclaimer on my office door:
1. I work harder than I am expected to
2. I want everything to be perfect
3. I take everything personally
4. Sometimes I just need to cry
I'm dealing with it and that should be enough!
I had a severe panic attack while in the presence of the wrong people a few weeks ago. I am now 'on watch' at work because my bosses don't understand how I can say that I'm fine when it just appeared as if I had a seizure and was non-responsive for 10minutes. I was put on leave until cleared by a doctor. My psychiatrist cleared me that same day. So, on top of my already overly intense anxiety I am now avoiding the people I am supposed to report to. I really don't like when people see me as broken and I have not yet reconciled how to handle that. I know I have issues, and I am working on them. I just don't like when my anxiety overshadows everything I do everyday, that I am amazing at, and it becomes the only thing that is seen.
Sorry. I'm venting my insignificant frustration. Just having a hard time remembering that I am good at what I do when the people over me are focused on my anxiety. That outside focus is not helpful. I have a mouthgaurd that the dentist made for me because I clench my teeth - I crushed it last night (weird sensation, may have swallowed a few pieces). Not good.