Overwhelmed with Anxious/Depressed Spouse

My husband and I have been together since we were in high school. We have two beautiful children, and I feel that we are extremely blessed. However, he is struggling so much with anxiety and depression that I don't think he can see how lucky we are anymore. Most of the time he is the kind, caring man I've always known, but in the last three years he has become really unpredictable. 3 years ago he decided to start his own business, and I fully supported him because he is an extremely hard working person, and I had complete faith in him. On his last day of work at his previous job his dad died suddenly from a heart attack. His dad had some mental health issues that we were never really fully understood, but we were told he had OCD. Two months after that his mom was diagnosed with cancer (his parents had been separated for years), and she passed away last year. I have tried so hard to be patient because I know this has been incredibly difficult, but I'm beginning to get overwhelmed. His business is not doing well because his heart just isn't in it, he is no lOnger the hard working man I knew. This is adding financial stress to our situation. He is constantly physically ill, I'm sure because of his mental health issues. I have a very demanding full time job that requires me to be on call and sometimes have to leave him with the kids suddenly. Most of the time he is fine, but he occasionally has these fits of rage when he is a completely different person. He has never physically hurt any of us, but it is so unpredictable, I'm terrified that I will get called for an emergency and something will happen. I feel like I have no choice but to work full time, due to our financial stress. I am afraid he is having the same issues as his Dad did, and I miss his mom so much, I wish I could talk to her about it. I love him and I know he's a good man, I want to help him, yet I'm running out of patience and feel my own anxiety becoming overwhelming. I find it very hard to be nice to him, but I believe in marriage strongly and want this to work. Also worried about my two boys and that them witnessing this behavior might make them more likely to have problems as well. I really don't know how to do what is best for everyone.

He has gone to counseling by himself. I have told him I'd like to go but he keeps telling me it's his problem, not mine. I keep insisting it is OUR problem, when he says it's his problem it seems like he doesn't get how this affects me and the kids. He's been to doctors and is on medication, but is uncomfortable with it. His dad was on a lot of medication, he never really understood for what, and he says he was never the same after he started taking meds. I understand that he is scared about turning out like his dad, but I'm scared for him to go off of it, cuz though it's not perfect, I feel like it helps a bit.

Is there anyway you could go to his fathers old doctor and get a little help with this, there are some things they can answer and maybe have the information you really need. "or your current doctor could check for you".
Peace

Larry ***

Hello Slh and welcome.

I am really sorry to hear of your husband's issues, and the problems that it is causing for you and your family.

Anxiety is treatble, but the sufferer must participate in his own recovery.  I hope that through your suport your husband will find the strength and courage to do so!

I agree with all of the above advice. Our members are awesome, and always ready with great support!

It would be great for you both to be in therapy. Individual for him as first priority...and for you both as a couple. If he will not go...then you need the support and advice on how to help him (and yourself and kids) and should go alone.

We have a great Resource Guide here with a lot of effective self-help ideas that he could try at home if he is willing. Steer him this way, and know that you both will be cared for!

Keep posting, and best wishes!

Scaredy Cat

We definitely won't judge him, as most of us have similar issues. Many of us have spouses with similar issues, as well. I do.

I don't know if this will help at all, but I zeroed in on one thing. You said that he's uncomfortable about taking medicine because once his dad started, he was never the same. The thing is, that's probably getting the cause and effect relationship backwards. Most likely, his dad became not the same and THEN started taking the medicine in an attempt to regain control. I'm not sure if reframing that situation will help him at all, but it's a thought.

I agree with others that you deserve therapy, too. This is obviously difficult for you. If he doesn't want to do counseling together, go for individual counseling. If nothing else, to help relieve your own anxiety.

How long has he been seeking treatment? Maybe he's on the road to recovery - it's slow moving.

Whatever the case, we're here to support you 100%.

Sending hugs!

Joy