bachelor/bachelorette party anxiety ruining my life and relationships

I'm my mid 20s and I'm at that period in my life where everyone around me is getting married, myself included. It's all very exciting, except for one thing: bachelor/bachelorette parties.

My fiancé's cousin and brother are getting married within this year, and so of course that means two parties. My best friend is also getting married in a few weeks and I've also been invited to her bachelorette party. Just thinking about them is making me so upset that I've had to hide in the bathroom at work to cry as I write this. I can't even focus on work and I'm afraid it'll lead me to get written up or fired.

Anyway, the cousin's party is this Saturday. Initially my fiancé told me he wasn't going to go, but now he wants to. Thing is, I know it won't be rowdy because I trust my fiancé and his cousin. Both guys are very respectable and sweet. But... I feel such a fear about it that it's making me act like a lunatic. I have no idea why and it's driving a wedge between me age my fiancé/future in laws.

I didn't sleep last night because of it and I've already had diarrhea twice and vomited once this morning. I feel really shaky and dizzy. My back aches and I have a headache. The little sleep I did get included a nightmare of going to pick him up from the party and finding him on the sidewalk dead in a pool of blood. I'm absolutely terrified now and hate that me being at work is keeping me away from him right now. I even considered calling in sick today.

I know I have problems about this and I know I need to fix it, but I'm absolutely lost about how to start. I apologize for the long email, but I know I really need help :'(

PS- neither my fiancé and I are having parties either. That's how terrified I am. :'(

Hey!

I may be the worst person to give advice, because I am going through very bad panic attacks the past day, but I think you should find ways to deal with the anxiety because it is the only problem.

Right now the fear is in the image of these parties, but the party itself can't do you any harm. If right now you found out none of these parties will take place, you will calm down for awhile, but eventually the anxiety problem will find some other way to bother you. Your mind is now using these otherwise completely harmless parties to worry you. I hope that doesn't make things worse.

There are two options:

1) You only feels anxious about these parties. That would be great! It means that once they are over everything is going to be fine and it is a matter of months! They would only last hours and then they would be over. This would be very good :)

2) You have problems with anxiety in general. Then there are so many people like you and it is also completely normal. There are many ways for you to overcome anxiety and it will also make you mentally stronger! It is a wonderful opportunity for you to overcome it and to feel even happier than before at some point.

Either way one day you may be happy you had to go through this.

If all I've written doesn't make you feel better, ignore it. I am also trying to deal with anxiety, so I don't know many calming things to say. Right now I am trying to feel thankful for the panic attacks and to see them as something really positive, which I hope is not impossible :D

I hope you get better :)

I am sorry to hear that :(

Are you a controlling person? Maybe unclear and unplanned things scare you because they take away the possiblity to take action and you feel powerless and like you don't have control over the situation.

Whatever the reason, I understand that right now you feel anxious. I wish I knew the right thing to say.

If you look at the statistics, the possiblity of something happening to him is almost non-existant. Numbers and logic say that he will be ok even if he goes to 100 parties! However it may be difficult to stop worrying just because the fear is irrational and I know how you feel.

Things may be bad now, but they have no other choice but to get better. Now you feel like this, but it is temporary and it won't have any serious consequences. Just feel free to feel anxious. As always, it passes.

You could try to keep your attention at something else and maybe to do some simple task, but I know that's really hard.

Maybe think of some way to surprise him. Something small, just focus on doing something nice for him. He will be very happy and it sure is a positive direciton to focus your thoughts :)