My reasoning is of a spirtiual nature so for non-spiritual people, please take no offense!
Two months ago is when this all began. I was in school full-time and working full-time. I carried a 3.85 GPA in school while working fulltime. Until this last semester I failed miserably. I couln't wake up to go to school anymore. Most of it was due to my drinking getting out of control. I justl let my grades go and would self medicate with more alcohol to deal with the shame and embarassment. I became numb toward family and my girlfriend. I guess you could say going through the motions. I wanted to stop but lost all control to do so. I lost my connection with my God and could feel the emptiness inside almost leading to suicidal tendencies.
I had one last hoorah one night about 2 months ago. Drove home drunk and don't remember. Yelled at my girlfriend and I'm sure I wasn't pleasant. The next day at work we fighting about it via text. I made the proclamation that I will quit the drinking as I have so many times before. I of course justified myself and said this time it will be different.
about an hour before work was over my chest tightened, my left arm hurt and I began to panic. Of course I thought I was dying so the symptoms got worse. I was rushed to the ER thinking I was having a heart attack. This was my first and real panic attack I've ever experienced. I was cleared from the hosptial and sent to my regular Dr. I explained to him what had happen and he quickly diagnoses me with PAD. Gives me some meds to help get through. The first 3 weeks were unbearable. I had to go on FMLA because the attacks would happen all the time and was affecting my work drastically. After the meds have had time to run their course through my system and going to a shrink, things have gotten so much better.
I have been to other speicalist and discovered I do have a haital hernia, Gerd, ulcers, and the works, but nothing that can't be dealt with. During all of this I didn't even realize that I was no longer drinking. I started going back to church, feeling a closeness once again with my God. The desire to drink has been lifted from me.
The panic and pain of all of my symtoms was God rocking my foundations to clearly get his message through.
He has my full attention now everything I have gone through in the last 2 months I no longer consider to be a curse but a blessing. I am a much better me now. Everybody can see it including myself. In short I am thankful to suffer with PAD and Gerd related illnesses because they opened my eyes to something was really killing me every day. The slow painful death of alcoholism and loneliness.
Thank You God and thank you to all of my new Healing Well family