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Meltdowns hurting my husband. Help?

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Posted 8/29/2013 4:50 PM (GMT 0)
Well, I thought I was doing great.

Yesterday, I left for some errands without any of my meds and thought, "It'll be fine, I'll take them when I get home." when I realized it.

WRONG, WRONG, WRONG

The afternoon ended with me curled up on the couch, crying, shaking and probably feeling as bad as I have since this all started. Honestly, it would have been a crisis point, but I have convinced myself that there is help and I'm going to make it.

The thing is, though, my husband was just sitting there, teared up, looking helpless and I HATE what this is putting him through. He seems to think he's responsible for fixing everything. I kinda understand because that's how I felt when his panic attacks were so bad.

Do you guys know any resources for him or any way I can help him through this? It's getting so hard on everyone.
Posted 8/29/2013 5:03 PM (GMT 0)
My husband is the same way - the two of them could probably benefit from each other's help. Usually when I am as bad as you say you were he tells me to phone the crisis line and they talk me through it. Haven't had one of those breakdowns for about a year thank God. But the crisis line is wonderful - do you have one in your area. See once he would tell me to phone the crisis line, I felt better and so did he because he could see I was being helped, even if it was just talking to someone on the phone.

What are you on and how long have you been on it?
Posted 8/29/2013 5:20 PM (GMT 0)
Yes, men are fixers...

That is often how they define their role, and it is a comfort zone for them.

Let him know that he is wonderful, and that you could not do without him, but that he is not expected to make it all better for you...but rather that he is doing what you need at the moment, and that is just being by your side through it.

I am sorry that you had a bad afternoon...but really impressed that you pulled out of it, and grabbed onto the postivity in the end!

Keep up the good work, friend.:)

S.C.
Posted 8/29/2013 5:52 PM (GMT 0)
Joy I would do anything to help him, let me know. Peace

Larry ***
Posted 8/29/2013 7:35 PM (GMT 0)
Wayupnorth,

They do have crisis lines in my area, but they ask for all of your information up front. I have my psychologist's cell #, too. But in my state, all medical professionals are "required reporters" and if I had called anyone at that point, I'd be at the hospital right now and everything would just be worse.
When I find something that really helps, I'll tell him, so he can remind me when I'm melting down. Thank you for the idea!
I'm on Celexa, 40 mg, and 2 mg of Klonopin a day. It was the Klonopin I missed - I didn't take ANY until about 5 p.m. and I didn't realize how much it helps.
I've also skipped therapy a couple of times because I'm worried about money and that's probably irresponsible. I've tried to get through to her today, but she's been in session every time I call and she doesn't have a real receptionist. Just this sweet guy who says she's in session. lol

S.C. -
Thank you for the encouragement. I tried to explain to him last night that he's already done the really important thing by getting me to get medical help in the first place.
I reminded him of a few months ago, when I was on my knees in the living room crying telling him, "I don't know why my chest hurts, but it'll go away. Don't make me go." and how he helped me go to the doctor anyway.

Larry,
Thank you. You are SUCH a good friend. Love you.

Thanks to all of you, hugs!
Posted 8/29/2013 7:36 PM (GMT 0)
Wayupnorth - maybe you could give me the number you call? Do their ask for your SSN and such?
Posted 8/29/2013 9:38 PM (GMT 0)
Joy have you read your e-mail?

Larry
Posted 8/30/2013 3:34 AM (GMT 0)
Berock - I am in Canada - don't know how that would work - they didn't ask me a whole lot of questions other than how I was feeling and why. That sort of thing

Your husband sounds like a sweet man and seems very supportive. I have said a million times that I don't know what I would have done if I had a husband that didn't understand and support me. There were some days I got absolutely nothing done, not even dinner - I hadn't moved off the couch from when he left in the morning. All he would say is "how do you feel" and if I said "not bad now" - he would say, that's good, who cares if you didn't get anything done as long as you get feeling better.

I could look into whether or not they accept calls from out of Canada if you like

You will soon start feeling better and this will all seem like a bad dream. I don't know how long you have been on Celexa, but most take at least 6 to 8 weeks - sometimes you need an increase along the way.
You will get better - concentrate on getting better and forget about the small stuff. Life will be good again..
Posted 8/30/2013 4:50 AM (GMT 0)
You two have just proved that brothers and sisters dont always have the same parents. Peace

Larry ***
Posted 8/30/2013 6:14 AM (GMT 0)
He almost cried...he LOVES you and DEEPLY! I think there's really nothing he can do, its good that he's not acting out and getting frustrated by this. This is really great, actually. A love of spouses are driven absolutely nuts by us-types.

I would recommend to go talk to him about it, as much this forum is helpful and a GREAT place to be, it doesn't replace an honest conversation with your husband. He's probably on a bit of an emotional roller coaster, feeling helpless and its going to help him a lot for him to get to talk about it too.

Hope you are feeling better soon!

Joshua
Posted 8/30/2013 6:27 AM (GMT 0)
Wayupnorth,
That's okay, I thought you were just in a different state. :) If I'm more vigilant, I shouldn't get quite to that point again ... at least, I hope.

Larry,
I haven't but I will. I get behind checking email when I'm all funky. lol

Joshua,
He does... it's insane how he loves me and I thank God for him every day. I don't know if you believe in soul mates, but I do, and believe he is mine.
I've been talking with him a lot, just trying to figure out ways to help him so he's not always stuck in my little depression world.
My brother came over tonight to watch football and they had a few beers and yelled and cussed and cheered. I think that helped a lot. :)

Thank all of you for the encouragement and ideas!
Posted 8/30/2013 8:57 PM (GMT 0)
Dang Joy, I wish y"ll lived closer!

Larry
Posted 8/30/2013 10:03 PM (GMT 0)
BeRock,

Remember for better or worse, in sickness and in health.................. Sweetie, your husband may be feeling a lot of things but I suspect the one he feels the most is useless as he doesn't know how to fix you and watching you suffer is a really tough thing to do; let him melt a bit and trust that he will be a rock when he needs to.

August 10, 2012   I was diagnosed with colorectal cancer and  my husband's world shattered.  I had gone to the hospital for the CT SCAN and was not expecting anything to be wrong.  My hubby was waiting in the truck with my best friend, my dog, on a hot summer day.  I had to go out and have him come in so he could hear what the Dr. had to say as she told me right away.  When I approached the truck he got out right away and said "What's Wrong?"  The pain in his eyes was soul crushing for me to see when I said I have colon cancer and it is not good.   I have been married to this wonderful man for 42 years........and now he was being told the worst news of his life. 

He has always been my rock through my depression/anxiety and PTSD now he would have to be my caregiver as we bravely faced the unknown.

He gets upset and frustrated as he tries to make sense of things but I try to tell him even I don't understand all of it and I am the nurse in the family.

I do let him have his meltdowns which usually come out as anger.  Little things set him off but the big stuff, he is my rock. I give him all the time he wants to work outside in pole shed as it is his way of coping.

You cling tight to your hubby and keep on working together step by step, day by day and it will be alright.

Love and prayers,

Kitt

 

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