Hi everyone. I was posting here for a while, but haven't recently.I'm starting school tomorrow to upgrade some high school classes at a college. I guess i'm looking forward to it, but i'm nervous at the same time. I have to try to start waking up early in the morning, which is something I find impossible to do sometimes. I'm also very worried about
what people are going to think of me. Because my communication skills aren't great, and because I sometimes don't
get taken seriously because of the way that I look. I felt kind of depressed yesterday because I went to get a hair cut (should not be a big deal, but people are sometimes really mean to me at salons or any place like this) and the stylist wasn't very nice, to say the least. They didn't even tell me what their name was when I went there, and said barely anything to me when cutting my hair, taking to another stylist and another client. At the end of the appointment they asked me how old I was (for the prices) and I told them I was 20- obviously not something
they expected to hear. I find a lot of people are like this to me, (especially in the "beauty" industry) just because they think i'm still a younger teenager (I will actually be 21 next month, and people talk to me like i'm 14 or 15) just because I look really plain.
I always get questions at these places that you would ask a person who is younger, like, "how many siblings do you have?" and things like that. When I was walking out the door, I heard them say something like "that was awkward" or something like that. I'm never going back there again. I thought to myself "this is the reason I never leave my house." I try to ignore these things, but it is upsetting sometimes just trying to go about your day to day life and being treated like this so much of the time. It makes me sad that some people choose to treat others a certain way based on how they look or their apparent age, because I think all people deserve to be treated with respect. It's frustrating because I don't want to have to change myself just so I can be treated decently, but i'm tired of always being spoken to like that, because it happens pretty much everywhere. For a long time I didn't care what people thought of me, but the past year or so I have a lot more. How can I stop caring what other people think?
My doctor finally referred me to a different psychiatrist, after asking several times. My last experience didn't
go so well, but i'm hoping this time will be different. I'm happy that I will finally be able to figure out what is actually going on with me after years of not knowing- all I want is a diagnoses so I can start moving on with my life. I feel really strange all of the time and just off. I get intrusive thoughts constantly that are very negative and scary, and I always wonder if i'm a bad person or not (pretty much all of the time). They just confuse me now more than anything now, because they are so frequent. I feel like something is seriously wrong with me and I want to know what it is. I have a fear of schizophrenia as well- recently I looked up the symptoms of early schizophrenia, and I have so many of them (the same thoughts over and over again, no social life/not talking to anyone except immediate family- I even swear so much of the time I hear "whispering" noises, but I have no idea where it's coming from). The only issue I don't have is seeing things that aren't there (i've even thought, well maybe I do but I just don't know it! Maybe my entire life is a lie but in my mind it's real or something), and I also know I have a problem, so i'm not really sure. I don't have schizophrenia in my family at all (at least as far as I know) but someone in my immediate family has OCD and someone might have Bipolar disorder ( one of my other family members told me it's bipolar).
I have another question that I wanted to ask as well. I was just wondering if anyone knows if social isolation
can increase anxiety and/or depression? I've had depression and anxiety for years but it is way more severe
than it was a few years ago. I've noticed the longer i've lived a socially isolated lifestyle, the worse
my problems have become, so i'm just wondering if that can be a cause of severe anxiety or depression?
Thanks. Sorry this is such a long post (as usual).
Post Edited (anxious0813) : 9/8/2013 6:46:57 PM (GMT-6)