Upset

I don't think you are wrong to feel upset. However you feel about it is your feelings and you are entitled to them. And particularly with family members, feelings can be complicated. (For example, sometimes a person resents something a family member does, when they would not resent the same thing if done by a friend or casual acquaintance). Family relationships often come with some baggage.

While you are ABSOLUTELY entitled to your feelings about what was done, it could also be useful to try to look at it from your uncle's perspective too. Do you think he did this with the intention of showing disrespect toward you? Or does he just like you, realize you are a first time home buyer, and want to try to help make sure you do not make a mistake? I don't know the answer, of course, since I don't know your uncle. But sometimes we take things one way, and they were intended in a different way. In such situations, I don't think there is any "right" or "wrong" -- it is just a matter of different perspectives.

So where do you go from here? Surely, you do not want this event to harm your family relationships. What good would that do?

One approach would be to ask your uncle what he thought of the house and if he has any ideas or suggestions. If he says anything useful to you, then great. If he does not say anything you regard as useful, then you can politely say "thanks for your input" and then go about doing what you want to do.

I will add this: when I bought my first house (a condo, actually), I did ask my dad to come by and have a look at the building and tell me if he had any suggestions. I was a smart person, with an advanced degree and a professional job. But this was new to me, so I thought maybe a "second set of eyes" would help. Not everyone wants or needs that sort of advice, of course. But I did. And it made him feel good that he could be helpful to his son.

Best wishes, Medved

As for your Uncle, he used poor judgment in taking the "tour of your soon to be new home".  You have a right to feel upset however, try to keep it in perspective.  

Does this Uncle do this kind of thing frequently or was this a one time shot? 

Most people have a sense of what is and isn’t appropriate when it comes to respecting boundaries.  However, we are bound to find individuals who don’t. From what you have posted in doesn't sound like he is a disrespectful person but perhaps a bit to excited to see your new home.

As much as we strive for healthy relationships, we inevitably encounter individuals who are boundary breakers whether they are friends, co-workers, family or new neighbors. Some of these people know what they are doing, but often, most “just don’t get it”.  They have little-to-no self-awareness and feel that they are fully entitled or appropriate in their behavior. 

The best thing you can do is firmly establish boundaries.  You’ll feel better about yourself and your relationships. If you aren’t sure as to whether or not a boundary is being broken, stop thinking and start feeling.  Does something feel awkward, uncomfortable or wrong?  Can you feel an adrenaline rush, but aren’t sure why?  Do you feel nauseous during the discussion?  At times, our guts have better listening skills than our ears.  If you can feel a visceral reaction to the conversation at hand, you can be pretty sure that something isn’t right.

I am not feeling that your Uncle is a boundary breaker from this one time incident however, like all of us, you will run into many people who are bound to push your buttons and often it is deliberate.  The more you set boundaries, the easier it will get.

Kindly,

Kitt