So... this is a breakdown, I think

I'm having adverse reactions to one of my meds. That's what they siad when i finally went to the doctor today. they want me in the hospital stat. wanted me there tonight. kept saying that losing .. awake, you know the falling.. was dangerous and they couldnt take me off anything outdie hospital cuz i was close to breakdown point

i was thinking i already had a breakdown why you think i'm off work now? lazy?

spent hours on phone with insurance, doctors, credit card, trying to figure out how to pay to go in, sittin wiht my mom. then, i went outside and my keyswitch broke on my car again. only vehicle we gotthat we can use that. we tore up our truck pulling some drunk out of a ditch a while back, tore the bumper up so no tag, let tag lapse cuz cant drive it. plus, i can't drive a stick. this is the third time my keyswitch has gone out. It's about 30 miles to dealership, i cant even pay for towing. i have $123 in bank and not pay again until next wednesday.

i collapsed in the yard and couldnt stop crying. i vaguely remember rest of day, but at home now woke up on couch. remember couldnt stop crying.

my face is so swollen and sore and I can't see good. I'm not sure from crying if I fell on face.

My therapist hasnt turned in any of the money i spent to my insurance so, they're showing I still owe over $1,900 on my deductible before can go in hospital. obviously, i dont have that. so, i gotta go through all my credit card records for like six motnhs to add up what i've spent because my therapist doesn't have records of all of it. I'm the only person in my family computer literate enough to do that. but, my face hurts soooo bad. :(

i could type better than am here, but trying to keep my facial muscles relaxed cus hurts to look up at screen.

but at doctor she had given me muscle relaxers because she said that she could literally feel my muscles spasm and thought it was anxiety (had me lay down and had hands on back feeling). i never made it to get those filled...

i dont know how i'm honna do it. I dont even own enough clothing to pack wht i'm supposed to for the hsopital. I don't have five changes of clothes. I have three shirts, two pants, one skirt, besides business clothes. dont haave pajamas. I slep in hubby's 4X t-shirts. don't have one set, much less three or four sets.

feel so overwhelmed. suicide intervention should be easy, not hard. no wonder so many people dont make it. this is freakin nuts. i'm not suicidal but al the drs think i am, thats what this is for besides the fainting. if i were, i wouldnt hvae made it through this crap!

feel right now sore, swollen, feverish, chills, my head feels like it should be in macy parade. sighs.

i wish there were someone who could just tell me the wau to do all of this. just wanna go back to sleep and wake up in hospital. this is so hard. and then i feel guilty for feeling like it is hard, cuz its not like i have cancer or something like that. i'm just sad. I ought to be able to do things.

sorry if this is mess, typed mostly with eyes closed cux they hurt. not gonna try to proof, i dont think. a;dp [rolly very long cuz its hard for me to talk out loud right now and had a lot to get off of my chest... thank you guys for being here. I love yall

Thank you for the support!

I've taken some ibuprofen, the meds I missed while passed out, eaten and iced my face, so I'm feeling much better now. The seeing/facial pain was from my emotional collapse earlier today - hysterical crying isn't good for me. I have an eye condition (can't remember the name right now) which causes me to lose vision depending on my blood pressure and some other factors. My prescription sometimes changes 4 or 5 clicks between optometrist visits. Also, I'm pretty sure I fell on my face.

The medicine that I have to come off of is Geodon. My PCP is angry about it in general, anyway. I have a long-term history of dangerously low blood pressure and lowered blood pressure is one of the common side effects of it. Also, she said the dosage was so low, it was no wonder it wasn't helping.

I've also had a bad infection - between the sulfadrugs, some dehydration and my BP running so low (was 80/55 at dr's office), I've been feeling pretty bad.

Unfortunately, none of my three doctors will try anything else outside of the hospital. So, I HAVE to figure out how to pay for all of this before anything is going to change. I was holding up okay until the car thing. That was the last drop of water in an already too full glass.

Plus, now my family's on high alert, so people are going to "babysit" me until I get in the hospital and I've been informed that even if my car were working, I wouldn't have the keys. :/

BR...

Gotta get my little one up and going to school...but I saw your post and had to check in.

Hold on, it is going to be alright. I am so sorry that you are going through this, but it will get better.

I will be back to respond more later.

S.C.

BeRock,

I am sorry you are having such a tough time and really wish you would check into the hospital as  you are not able to function the way things are.  Please take the advice of your Dr. and know I am thinking of you.

I am off to the clinic after a bit so will check in tomorrow and hope to hear things have improved.

Gentle Hugs,

Kitt

 

You are forever loved&you are strong and you will be ok,where do you live you can e.mail it to me. Because Iam thinking every hospital no matter what state you in will have to take you in with doctors orders the more quicker it will ne&I know you don't want to owe a hospital but Joy thats not for you to worry about right now,your main focus needs to be on taking care of you&better you so you can be here to take care of those bills later. That shouldn't even be your focus right now,and Ima tell you like my mother tells me,as long as you are alive you will have bills but don't but your health in danger of getn better over dang bills. If you look in right places there is help out there for you,with all the problems you are going through right now. You should've put in for S.T.D. Through the state&you can still work when you are ready to go back,you Iam sure can get it every month&work but can only work so many hours. Check into Churches that help I know there has to be some churches around that give to those in need,in the mean time you know you are on my heart&always in my prayers you will beat this,Iam not 100%better but Ive been where you are now&you are a fighter&got what it takes to win.