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Posted 10/9/2013 2:25 PM (GMT 0)
I posted for the first time the other day and I wanted to kind of give an update.  Over the past few weeks I have felt a lot better and come a long ways and I feel like this whole thing is fading which is great, but I just had a couple of questions. 

What's giving me the majority of the anxiety now are these things:

When I feel back to my old self again, I often find that after a while I get pulled back in with a negative thought or worry, is that normal?

If I think about it when I'm feeling back to myself, I almost get disappointed because I just feel normal and I don't know I guess I was expecting a big revelation. 

Sometimes when the negative thoughts come back, they do not bother me.  Sometimes when this happens they just fade, but other times I start to worry that I just accepted these negative thoughts and that gives me anxiety again. 

My biggest issue with anxiety has always been that I seem to get it when the weather breaks, things in my life are going well, but I am kind of in a lull and it's always about ridiculous things that I know are not true, couldn't happen or that I have control over.  At the start of these episodes I see how dumb they are, but it gets more and more intense and makes me actually start to believe in them, then at the end, I realize how ridiculous they are, but they come back periodically just to test me to make sure everything is alright.  I'm also very superstitious and get into habits when I'm going through anxiety so when I start to realize how dumb it is to put my coffee mug in a certain place or something like that and don't do it, I start to worry.  It's just confusing because I'm exhausted, and I can almost laugh at myself for being as cautious as I was, but I'm afraid to.  I'm just scared to completely move on due to the fear of these feelings coming back. 

It's almost like my mind has layers.  The bottom layer is the layer that is saying "dude move on, you're fine" and is the layer that helps me relax, but then there's this top layer, which I know is fabricated but is full of all these useless worries.  I'll be fine I know and I've been through all of this before so deep down I know that it's normal to feel the way I am at this point, but it just helps to hear some reassurance so I guess I was just wondering if this was all normal.  Thanks again.

 

Posted 10/9/2013 3:47 PM (GMT 0)
This sounds like the normal recovery progress that one goes through when gaining ground on their anxiety issues. It is not always a linear line. There will be stops and starts and detours along the way.

Anxiety tends to be a chronic issue, meaning though we can learn to manage it...but when things get particularly stressful, or we are sick or fatigued...it can take that opportunity to pop up and bother us again. This is where we have to just accept that as part of the journey, and continue to do the things that bring us relief. (coping skills, exercise, journaling, hobbies/distractions, talking with therapist/others/posting here, ect.)

I am glad that in general things are going well, and that you are feeling better!.:) That makes me really happy to hear.

Please continue to post and give us updates and any support that you have for other members!

S.C.
Posted 10/9/2013 4:31 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks a lot, it does mean a lot to read that. I know anxiety is like getting sick. It takes time to recover completely, sometimes it takes a lot of time. It just sucks because at some points I feel completely normal. I'll get there, I know it. Thank you again, it's much appreciated.
Posted 10/10/2013 7:31 AM (GMT 0)

JK2027 said...
It's almost like my mind has layers. The bottom layer is the layer that is saying "dude move on, you're fine" and is the layer that helps me relax, but then there's this top layer, which I know is fabricated but is full of all these useless worries.

That's a really eloquent expression of anxiety. :) I completely agree with this layer concept and feel that recovery from anxiety is a process, as our minds have become accustomed to following anxiety-exacerbating routines. It surely takes time, and many relapses, to dig through the layer of fabrication and fully realize that logical layer beneath.

I, too, have dealt with anxiety for as long as I can remember. Frequent, severe panic attacks are a more recent development and sent me to my first ever actual psychiatric appointment yesterday. I started Paxil and Xanax and already feel like I'm on a rollercoaster of good moments (being excited about getting help) and bad moments (fear of the medications' side effects, perpetual panic attacks over taking it). I'm sure the hills of this rollercoaster will lengthen and widen, spreading out so that there are longer periods of good times with intermittent bad. Something this engrained certainly can't turn around overnight for any of us. It must take lots of hard work, dedication, trust in our doctors and ourselves and just general faith in the process.

I'm so glad that you seem to be on the path to recovery. This might not mean much coming from me, as I am still quite a glorious mess and am often not great at taking my own advice, but keep up the good work and try not to let the bumps in the road get you down. You're definitely not alone in this battle. :)
Posted 10/10/2013 12:05 PM (GMT 0)
Jo-Erin,

Thanks, it really does mean a lot to hear that. The part of your post that really made me feel better was when you said that "our minds have become accustomed to following anxiety-exacerbating routines." Being through this before, I know that's true, but being in the middle of the storm now it's hard to remember that. I feel fine for a while and then it pulls me in and I think "why is it pulling me in again?" But I need to remember that the last few weeks I have basically set up a new routine. Get up, get anxious, go to work, feel better, come home, feel anxious again, ect. I'm just so used to worrying that it's almost like a comfort to me (which sucks!).

Though I have broken a few of the routines and my "common sense" mind is speaking louder now, it still is difficult at times. I know that I need to trust myself in knowing that if I do not worry, everything will be ok. I know my true feelings, but at the same time I have a lot of fear of the thought of these feelings coming back. I do feel better, but I am on edge a lot as well. Just have to take it a day at a time I guess.
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