Very Difficult Week...

Hi,

I hope everyone is okay, or at least moving in the right direction.

I have had a bad week that I have spent "putting out fires so to speak"

Have not been on here in awhile, have been too busy.

I have had one of those weeks where everything has went bad
my heat is out, car trouble, and other stuff I can not mention.

Scaredy Cat, I emailed you about a week ago, or so - just check.

Skitt, you are right about giving advice and helping people, and I do
like doing so but right now I am struggling behind on bills,the potential
job opportunity I learned is not going to happen because although I
came recommended, they do not want to spend money to hire anyone.

So I have zero satisfaction for my self esteem,which I know I am very capable, but I still need affirmation as we all do.

I am working nights now, and although I get along with my family
friend well, this provides little beyond personal knowledge.

I have learned the very hard way that the time to take action is when you have some money , I literally am worrying about every dollar, am months behind on my mortgage, am pissed off beyond
you can imagine that I have gone nowhere despite my intentions, it doesn't matter because I probably will only get a job by knowing someone.
I have been working on some level, but I would have to be a complete moron to think I can get something after trying all this time
in this marketplace.

I feel as if I am literally fighting for my survival. I have been so busy dealing with fixing the issue I mentioned, and there are more as I said
that I did not say, that I have not the time,energy to look for anything. If you want specifics, I have applied for many,many things
and got nothing. I am beyond "sick and tired'. No, "nothing is coming
around" and now I am at a point where I feel resentment. It seems like a lifetime ago I was doing well, and if I could go back ( I know it
does no good)I would appreciate what I had, and not complain,goof
off as I did.

Let me tell you when you in my position financially, with no health
coverage, and kids to support your attitude is totally different then
when you at least have stability, steady income and the security of
it. So, no offense, I know people have their own issues , but if you
are not or havent been in my position it is hard to give me "real "
advice.

I am literally worried about meeting my basic needs - I should have been thinking of this before it got to this point.

When I was writing posts over the past years I wasnt really reality
based and did not have the sense of urgency I needed.

This situation would make anyone anxious.

I can not afford the time to look at this forum during the day, and
though I want to help others I say if you Have the time to be on here
all the time, god bless you, but I am not sure if you can relate to
what I feel. I know anxiety is bad by itself, but at least you are not worrying about losing your house. I am at a point if I let my thoughts
get the best of me, I can feel so down that I do not know myself.

I have to go, the guy is here to fix my heat, with money I do not have.

I wish you all well,.

Scaredy Cat, read my email when you can,I need someone to hear me out. Thanks.

Post Edited (ghosst8) : 10/25/2013 3:44:17 PM (GMT-6)

Larry, you are always good for a reply.

It seems when I am so negative I tend not to get as many responses.

Sorry to be down, I do not know if it is bad luck, karma, or what.

Do not wish to feel this way, things were so easy, now my own kid

worrys of how I will pay for a car.

I know people get diseases, god forbid, I know people have problems,

but that is all I am dealing with, and it exhausting!

Can anyone  relate and has anyone like me have had it easy and doing well and then trying hard and broke - it doesn't make sense.

Is someone trying to teach me a lesson.

Ghost,

I am so sorry, I did not mean to preach to you re how helping others makes you feel better even when you hit rock bottom.  I never meant to dismiss your problems as frivolous.

I met with my oncologist on Thursday only to find out my cancer is progressing, I had hoped for a miracle.  Both my husband and I are on SS so our income is limited and the medical expenses are alarming. One dose of chemo is almost $8000.00 and I could go on.  I am mad, mad as all he$$ that I lost a son to a car accident, all of my family, brother, 2 sisters, my Dad and all my aunts and uncles to cancer as well as cousins.  I cannot go back to work to help defray expenses so I must choose to deal with the tough issues the best way I can and pray that I will be able to attended my oldest Granddaughter's wedding in May.

I never knew my Mother as she too was killed in a car accident when I was 18 months old and right now I would give anything to not be the only person left in my family. I cry for my sister, Beverly, as I could sure use her strength as I accept my diagnosis but she is gone.   I was there for all of my siblings, as they went through cancer and I buried each one with a sad heart but that is the will of God.  I must cling to something so reaching out and helping others brings me comfort. 

Never would I insult you by not understanding why you feel so stressed and angry at the world. I keep a candle burning for you that you will find the light in the darkness you are now in  and I support you.

Kindly,

Kitt