OCD recovery feeling somehow better and bad !

I feel a little better I think the lexapro withdrawal is going slowly away. I am running everyday 30 min to cope with the anxiety. I am not taking any pill for anxiety nothing. Next week i will make my appointment with the psychiatrist. My main problem right now is really bad anxiety, and constant ocd worries. If i am going to cook I think " omg i am going to contaminate something" or if I am going to some place " what if i am bad and I hurt this person". I still do everything but i have tons of anxiety and panic. I think ocd is my mostly my problem , panic attacks are ok! I think the problem is that my ocd is incremented by huge anxiety problem. Some people say its the other way around but i think first i feel anxious and whatever thought passes in to my brain that scares me becomes an OCD thought. Then I try to stop thinking about it, and i feel anxious all day. On the top of everything my family is having some problems so today I felt sad and depressed. I feel what if i can't ever do my life normal, i want to get another job but with so much anxiety :S!!! I feel i must find a good doctor that is my goal for next week.
I made food today, with intrusive thoughts and everything but i made food, with knives and everything, with my niece and my sister in the house. I slowly want to brake down this disease
I know i can get over this, i am being brave. I say to myself This is not me, this is me anxious and neurotic and it will be fine. I am just tired and a little depressed, but i will try and try whatever it is so i get better.

Luna

Wow, look at how far you have come.  Remember those intrusive thoughts are your mind trying to trick you so let them "go in one ear and out the other" which is what my Mother accused me of when I was young and she told me something

Remember to dismiss these intrusive thoughts and brush them of as unreasonable.

Keep doing what is working for you and know you can beat this anxiety.

Thank you so much. I know I am not bad, its just this worries ,this doubts that scare me. I hate the thoughts I have. I think my problem is i keep trying to get rid of them. I am also a little sad and depressed because it has been 8 months of panics and just when I thought i could get better OCD and anxiety came again! I am just very upset at this. When I think of getting new job . I think " oh but my ocd" or "i will get this thoughts". I have really bad anxiety I feel like tired, i feel helpless like i don't know what to do anymore! besides I am very sensitive and i feel bad if someone argues with me or depressed. Sometimes I tell myself it will be fine I mean I just quitted my prescription on october 14, it has been only a month and considering that it takes like 4 weeks to get side effects away i am doing really good. I have two jobs and i am doing well. Maybe If get down my anxiety with some pill , It could help me with the ocd. For a class I been studying quantum physics and consciousness. It has helped me a lot sometimes i reflect on what i read. I am doing my OCD workbook, and I am working on contamination things like cooking.

Thank you for reading my posts it really helps me, I feel like someone understands me. I seriously can't thank you enough!

Luna