Posted Today 10:24 PM (GMT 0)
This is it , I don't think I can go on uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Sorry but needed to let that out
Today and yesterday has been a living hell
My head hurts not like a headache though , it's like tight band , pains , feels closed like my head is not getting any air as if it can't breathe then it leaves my head and goes to my chest and I have extra heart beats and anxious inside can't calm down , feels like imma pass out , head feels like pressure or if someone sitting on my head and won't get up , my eyes feel funny , then my ears feel clogged , my ears feel like I hear a heart beating inside them or a whooshing sound , my face feels tight and hurt and numb , my stomach feels weird and funny , little pains in my stomach , keep having to poop , my thoughts are crazy , I feel sad and disconnected and alone , tingling in my feet both of them ..........
And before you ask yes yes yes I have been checked out by every specialist you can name had every test and procedure you can nAme really I gave , MRI , cardiac cath , EEG , EKG , stress test , echo , ct scan , test for blood clots , lupus , ms , tons of bloodwork , and a host of other test , the last year and a half I been to to doctor after doctor , specialist after specialist , and the ER 1000x or more .... I been to group therapy , one on one and back in one on one again , read books , much prayer , natural stuff , juicing , diet , lots of water , and still searching for help .....
Meds I have tired , wellbutrin , Zoloft , Ativan , lexapro ...on nothing longer then a week .....
And last night I took half of 0.5 Ativan to help calm me down , but it made my heAd feel weird , and my chest bone cracks and get these crazy pains as if its gone break .....
I'm just soooooooooooooooooooo tired , I can't take it ,,,whatever is gone happen is gone happen cause this is hell ... I can't go into 2014 like this
And I tired of people saying stress will kill you , calm down ... Like why would u tell someone suffering from anxiety something like that ....
I so give up ,I want my life back but this us too much I'm dealing with enough in my life right now , my 13 yr old was dx with leukemia in May of 2013 so we been in and out of the hospital but thank God he's doing much much much better now , mind u my anxiety started in aug on 2012 , so when he got dx it seem to have gotten worst , ....
Is this really the end of my life , I'm going to lose my life to anxiety , is this even real .... Smh I don't get it ..... I just truly give up ,I m going to just live each day like its my last and whatever happens happens , I pray that a God will truly change things of me all I have is my faith , lord knows I'm tired ,,,,,,
Oh and I gets these weird air bubbles on my left side under my chest , and my jaws and chin feel tight .... Uhhhhhhhhhh I'm 35 .... 100% healthy so all the doctors say , but yet I feel like crap , ....... I eat healthy I have my off days but I eat organic foods , no beef , no pork , no fried foods , I do my nutri bullet shakes one to two times a day , drink lots of water , no soda , no coffee , in church every Sunday , trying to get my life back on point ,
Right this moment I can feel my nervous moving in my legs if I stretch my forehead it feels like I'm stretching my Brain and its heavy , neck pain , cracking , and pain under my chin , my left rib cage hurt , and when I talk it feels like my heAd it going to feel up with air and I don't have enough breathe to talk and my head gone explode ...someone once told me too much pressure can make something in my heAd pop , I hate talking to people sometime .....
Well one year and a half I'm still here , so hopefully it don't get worst then what it Is , ...
Thanks for reading guys ..l I really could use some real help ....
FYI ...l I think I may try the Zoloft again although I'm scared .... And in my religion it's said that you should not take then type of meds .... I heard some good and bad stories .......l
Uhhhhhh gotta go just felt a sizzling and zapping heAd pain ...... ....