"Mental Health through Will Training?" Sadly, Larry, every doctor I have managed to come across thus far, wants to medicate first and then do any kind of studying, as if pills are the "Be all, End all" to getting better. I'm done with the medication game, but sadly, because of my other medical conditions, I get a feeling I'm going to have to learn how to take a "cocktail" of meds...and having an intense fear of meds and side effects, is not going to be fun for me. (It's as bad as they think I have gerd induced asthma...and they prescribed me an inhaler with Abuterol, and I'd rather suffer through attacks.)
Fear is a very hard obstacle to overcome for me, even though I've been through this thing for a good 6-7 years. I keep telling myself it'll pass, but having an episode of two hours of struggling to breath from out of no where..no fun, sure as alot of people with anxiety know. Whether it's Gerd related...won't know. I'm not supposed to be stressed because I have Crohns Disease...yet, they wanted to do a Barium Cat scan on me first to check my body what I think would find any problems the quickest..but my insurance wouldn't cover that, so now I have to play the "Test Game", go through all these invasive procedures, which will stress me out and make my problem or this Anxiety worse....you'd think they'd learn to make things more..approachable to people, more comfortable, more acceptable...
But no...they know you'll pay the money because you have to if you want answers. Sadly, this whole thing has made me see the world through somewhat jaded eyes... cynical eyes. Used to be doctors wanted and DID diagnose people...now it's seems like they just want to treat symptoms, not actually help people the whole way. Sorry, it's just that not having answers for so long does start to get to me. Then I hear about
the founder of this website, Mr. Waite, and how long he had to go before a Diagnosis...and it's just crazy.
SC, I do try to make the most of my time, but I think being a stay at home mom is what is causing most of my anxiety too, as well as hormones. I worked from out of high school, till i was Pregnant with my second child. All this time couped up at home can't be doing me any good, hence why I probably have Agoraphobia now. And social anxiety it seems.
I think I have yet to hit the point where I can 100% believe it's health anxiety and all in my head and not a medical problem..like I read somewhere..people with chronic diseases usually DO develop some kind of anxiety because of their worry...which is why I probably can fit into that catergory, when I found out I had Crohns, it hit me hard, I distanced myself away from alot of people..because of being afraid. I was diagnosed with that back in guessing around 1993 or 4? And I'm just seeing a GI now because of a fear of docs and hospitals. xD It's a vicious cycle. I let things go so long, that alot of my anxiety is probably mentally me yelling at myself and telling myself to get a "Leg up" and get going.
I need to start a blog somewhere or something...been meaning to, but this is always my first stop and the first place I look when I need some peace of mind and reassurance. Maybe we could get something like that here? Just a suggestion? I'd like a place where I could vent and not feel "bad" about
doing so...like I see some members giving updates and such, but I always feel like I might be boring people with my drivel. xD Even if it's just something for me to reread and tell myself I can get through it all...again.
Another of my problems is I think I'm waiting to have a breakthrough, or to wake up enlightened someday....where it's clear to me what might be wrong, but that isn't likely to happen. I am starting to refuse to live life so debilitated. If I feel the trouble breathing again, I'll sort of mentally admonish myself and tell myself to get over it....done it before, will probably do it again...
I just wish I didn't find CBT so overwhelming...I have trouble breaking it down into steps...even if I do have a book. xD The breathing and meditation thing is what I have been focusing on mostly...I need to learn how to tune things out...like I explained before..having two boys who play, argue and stuff nonstop sometimes is hard to deal with when I'm having problems. And when I ask them to please be quiet..in one ear out the other...I need myself a quiet room. Or to go on a walk. Not today, it's like five below zero. lol I'll figure something out.
Yay for rambling yet again....
Sorry again xD I do feel abit better after doing so though.
Though, Mentally...considering I post more in this topic, than in Crohns and Gerd, (Though I do read them both to keep updated), makes me wonder if subconsciously, if I haven't believed it is Panic, like what I was diagnosed with. lol Now I'm second guessing myself... xD Lovely. lol Least I can laugh with myself and not AT yet
Post Edited (Magikaltears) : 1/3/2014 7:34:50 AM (GMT-7)