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Been struggling. Went off medication now I'm a mess.

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Posted 1/3/2014 8:27 PM (GMT 0)
Haven't posted in awhile because last time I did I was in a very dark place and I posted bad things and I didn't mean to but I did. I wasn't trying to cause problems. I just really needed help and wasn't getting any. So my apologies to Kitt and SC.

Sorry for the length.
But I'm back to square one again after I felt good. My doctor changed my medication in November from remeron to anafranil. Now it took awhile and I dealt with some uncomfortable side effects, and they caused me to be more depressed than I was. Remeron was intended for depression and anxiety. Anafranil was intended for OCD. Now eventhough my doctor said I had it I didn't think it was bad. After a few weeks I was taking less anxiety pills and apparently I "seemed better." I went to my next appt which was with a therapist followed by my doctor. The therapist wasn't much help and didn't plan on seeing me again. My doctor said I looked good but said I needed to go from 25mg to 50mg. The side effects I had previously were 10X worse. I waited a couple weeks to see if they'd go away again but they didn't so I went back to 25 but wasn't getting better. So I did 25 every other day until I was off. Now I'm back at my severe anxiety point again but now I realize it was the OCD that was causing the severe anxiety even though I didn't believe I had it. I debating on taking it again at 25mg now that I'm completely off it. But I see my doc in a week and don't know what I should do.
Posted 1/4/2014 1:57 AM (GMT 0)
Hi BKM and welcome back!

First off, please don't apologize...we have all inadvertently broken some rules. (mods just need to make sure that we edit out certain things that could be a bad trigger for sensitive/susceptible members)

Well, you have had quite a journey since we last talked to you...some good, some not good, and now you have come first circle!

I am sorry that things went south, and that your increase caused you so many side effects.:(

I think that since you see your doctor in a week...the best plan would be to hold on until you get his advice on how to proceed. I think that discussing your options would be the best step to take before making any more changes just yet.

I would also encourage you to seek out another therapist! Was a reason given to you as to why the last one did not pursue continuing treatment? Like with a lot of things in life...you often have to shop around, and find the right choice for yourself.:)

Have you had any more results with the coping skills? I also hope that you continue to try...you never know when something is going to start to help.

Keep posting with us. You are an important part of our community, and we have missed you!

Talk to you soon,

S.C.
Posted 1/4/2014 4:32 AM (GMT 0)
I think I threw too much at the therapist at once. But I wanted her to know where I was coming from and what all my issues were. I had my doctor pick her because I figured he knew me best and he knew the therapists there. I think because I can associate my phobias and issues to my disorders like the depression, anxiety and OCD to how I feel that kinda threw her off. Over the years I have done a lot of reading on these problems so I know what I'm dealing with and I know what I'm feeling is a reaction to my phobias, and my anxiety. It just sucks because for the first time in awhile I wasn't needing 3-4 klonopin a day. I was at the most 2. But when he increased that dose it really messed me up. I had uncontrollable jaw shaking in the morning, morning headaches from my jaw being clenched all night, and this horrible morning nausea and pain in stomach. I thought decreasing the dose would help but it just didn't.

Plus I'm going in for surgery probably in a couple months and the medication leaflet had warnings about that so that concerned me too. But I'm suffering again. My anxiety is out if control the klonopin isn't helping, breathing I still struggle with, I can't sit and be calm enough to meditate still. All I been doing is cross stitch but then my arms and shoulders begin to hurt. I been so paranoid lately because my stomach has been reacting to everything and I keep thinking it all is gonna make me sick. Then I convince myself that it will. Then I'm downhill from there. Just stuck in that stupid cycle again.
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