Hello everyone! Scary experience on the way home from work tonight... was kind of upset that I had to take a second dose of Xanax tonight as Ive only been taking one a day recently thinking I made progress, but not every day is going to go perfect. Im glad I took that second dose before I left work because it's VERY cold here in Pittsburgh (Minus 10 to be exact), and as I try to get into my truck, all of my doors are frozen shut! I had to
open the back hatch to get into it. Its SO freezing, so I turn on the car as it barely starts and is hesitating to stay on, the "heat" is blowing out freezing cold air!!! I was so afraid to leave work because of how cold it is, then all of this happens. As I start driving it feels like my truck is going to stall, and Im feeling like I cant breathe so I put my scarf and gloves over my face to breathe in warm air, my hearts racing and Im crying, because of course with anxiety the worst thoughts pop into your head. Im thinking im going to stop breathing because my lungs aren't going to be able to take the below freezing weather and thinking what happens if I break down and Im stuck in the dark and freezing cold alone until I get help! By the time I get home (about
20 mins later) Im crying shaking cant take a deep breath hearts still racing Im having chest pains..it had to be one of the scariest things ever for me. Why does anxiety rev us up soo much to think the worst of the worst!?!? Its the worst thing ever! Im sure someone else wouldn't have panicked and acted as I did and made everything 10x worse, but I honestly cannot control it. Anxiety is in control and I don't want it to be! That's what makes me So angry, because when I WANT to help it, I just CANT! But, this frigid weather is so dangerous! Nothing to play with. Tomorrow it is supposed to be minus 30, and I am staying home from school and Im off of work so hopefully I can RELAX just a little bit anyway!, and stay in my warm house. That was definitely an experience that shook me up WAY worse than I already was tonight but Im so HAPPY its OVER. (-: and im finally calming down, after over an hour of trying might I add! well, tomorrow is a new day to start fresh (-:
hope everyone is having a good night!!
Lacey