I guess good things don't last forever! it was so nice those 2 weeks week in a half whatever it was of feeling great, I thought I was off to a new start. but this past week has been anxiety ridden. haven't had to take my Xanax upon awakening for a few weeks now, until this morning. I tried to hold off but my nerves were so bad that I was starting to feel sick to my stomach and really feeling as if I was going to start convulsing again with the shakiness and trembling being so bad as soon as I
opened my eyes. this is not the life I want to live I am getting more and more miserable by the day. I wish so bad there was a way for the shakiness and trembling to stop. that is my main problem with this. I could be so relaxed in my mind, but my body will be a total wreck, I don't understand?? does anyone else have this problem? that is why I am taking the Xanax. this feeling Is what makes me panic because I guess the fear of the unknown (not knowing or having any explanation as to WHY I feel this way..is it an underlying sickness..disease..cancer.. that I don't know about
????). this strikes at the weirdest times, I could be so happy and looking forward to something, or on my way to do something fun, or out somewhere doing something with friends and family when BAM! I start getting unbelievably shaky for no apparent reason at all, or start feeling sick and just an overall feeling of not feeling well with no explanation. how can anxiety make you feel so terrible when your mind is in a good state? that is really what im trying to understand the most out of this whole condition. there is no reason why I should have to wake up and feel so terrible more days than not, and have to immediately take medication while still laying in bed to feel "normal". I sometimes wonder HOW I am doing everything I do everyday, and how much longer I am really going to be able to do this. As it is getting worse, I am not understanding why, or how much worse It is going to get, or if I will ever get better.... if I will ever really truly be happy again.. and all of these thoughts constantly running through my mind makes me feel so down and blue and overall just completely depressed. I have so much more life to live and so much that I want to accomplish but how am I going to do it feeling this way? Everyday from morning until night anxiety this anxiety that.. anxiety anxiety anxiety is literally ALL that goes through my mind..how am I going to do this how am I going to do that.. oh that will make my anxiety worse.. etc etc etc. im like beyond over this and I just cannot accept the fact that I have it this bad and for so long because I just want to be normal. And every time I think its getting better it comes back 10x worse. this is by far the longest that it has been this bad and I wonder If I will ever get back to moderate anxiety again or even mild instead of this severe state of anxiety that I have been in for about
3-4 years now. the bottom line is I want to be happy and I do not want to live like this forever. I need some encouragement for me to believe things CAN get better because right now it seems like ill be miserable for the rest of my life. thanks for reading as always, encouragement is always appreciated. (-:
have a good day everyone!
Lacey