About My Day Vent

Hyperthyroid. PAD. Depression. OCD. Borderline Bipolar .Thanatophobia yup thats me,and people like my mother no my problems&still try to say you need to shake out of this oh how I wish it was that easy,and I so would she can say some evil thingd without pause&never say she is sorry. I just stop keeping my niece full time&just like that she wants me to find another full time job,yet I still have my weekend job which is more then I can say for some. The other day she kept saying the samething over&over like a cry baby would&I was like you already told me that,and she made a smart remark like I wasn't telling you so you could help because if you was you would've did it already,like whatever I do to help her isn't good enough she acts as if I owe her something&it just makes me sad&thus am she wakes me up early. You need to get up&do something get out are something and find a job&she comes and tell me,how her and my brother yet again where talking behind my back like I have to do what they say. I may have mental problems mostly due to my thyroid problem but by no means am I slow are not smart,black sheeps always get mis-treated.
And I do my best not to reply keeping in mind that God said honor thy mother&father,and your days on this earth will be longer I wish for all the extra days/years I can get inspite of it all. And then I go see bf on a bus&he has me walk five miles,and every step Iam like getn upset,because I think how he is older then me&should have what a man should have but yet he has nothing&can't hold a job because of his mental state feeling like he needs me&I him tired of being by myself but at sametime I don't want to settle what am I to do. And through all this being on bus around strangers cause panic attack&bad too,I close my eyes to breath makes me wonder will I ever make a good wife/mother just venting unwanted thoughts out my head. Pray for me still going through attack right now trying to keep controlbLord better me,so that I maybe calm and get over this hump right now.