Posted 3/16/2014 12:55 PM (GMT 0)
Oh hun, I understand in lots of ways!
Some situations sound even familiar to yours, where Hubby had plans he had to attend, and even knowing he was coming back, I was nervous. Over time, these kinds of expeditions will not even bother you at all.
I may use this analogy a lot but it seems to fit: but my long history of anxiety (even before I met my Husband) was that about as calm and comforting as a bag of cats.). One of my "issues" (I don't like to call them that, so let's call them "challenges" instead, okay?)....well anyhoo, a big one of mine is being left alone in circumstances where I'm going to be in a room filled with people I don't know.
Why my Husband's baby brother (he's too old to be called that, but I call him my baby brother because he knows me so well, he'll call me right out on things my Husband may miss and for some reason, he has the charisma and attitude to pull of a joke that if anyone else had said it, it may make me angry). Meh, go figure, right.
So, baby brother's getting married. This was around 5, maybe even 6 years ago. I know my in-laws, don't know a lickity-split about her family, which comprised 95% of the attendees.
Neither of us are wedding fans. I'm at a table with no one I know, we're having to play unusual games involving passing around the centerpiece, when the music stops, that person has to go up and get the drinks for the table (they're not paying, they're just doing).
It was a really big and beautiful ceremony. My Husband spent the entire time looking after their one year old. (For the record, no such behaviour is in his make-up). Now kudos to him for letting his mummy and daddy have private time for the ceremony and dancing at the reception and keeping him entertained. A part of me felt angry because as his Wife, I felt abandoned, not knowing a soul, and swearing to God that time was moving slowly because I just wanted to go home.
My back was hurting, my patience were tried, I was getting anxiety that was growing, I wasn't too happy with the folks whose table I got stuck at (not even one member was from my own in-laws).
The whole time I was alone.
He knew how I felt. He knew my "challenges" with being left alone (which can often be mitigated by meeting even just one person I can relate to....and above all, always topics OTHER than me and my tale of woes and anxiety). Spent a lot of time in the loo that day!
Driving home Hubby hadn't a clue he had done anything "wrong." I stayed calm because to him, in his mind, his baby brother was (fiiiiinally) getting to married to his high school sweetheart, and he wanted them to have a break with out the little one running around, and if had a tantrum, Hubby took him outside and calmed him down.
I had to make a choice to flip my energies around and not be selfish. If we go our separate ways now, like in a store, (which I can finally do), it's because we've worked together for that, and because we agreed upon it in advance. We just set times to meet back, touch base, see if we need more stuff (these things usually happen when we go to Home Depot or Lowes, so it's not like I'm coming home with "shopping" stuff just for me). (...............Usually. I may toss a veggie dicer, tape, or shelves in there)
Trick is to let him have his meeting and to not pounce on him when he gets in. Instead be the inquisitive girlfriend he dated before marriage: "Hi honey, I missed you. How was your day! Were you able to accomplish everything?"
............................................and let it hang before discussing your anxiety.
Please toots, learn from the crazy Hell I went through to get to this point, and I hope it works for you too! When you DO get back home, you will be beaming with happiness that everyone, even hubby, will see, because you made it.
M.