New here - and in a big predicament

I have been reading posts but this is the 1st post from me. I want to reply back to others and hope to, when I feel better and can concentrate. But now I'm in a predicament and would appreciate feedback.

I have severe chronic anxiety, which is a crippling force in my life. I have tried probably every med on the market for anxiety, and the only one that is effective and causes no adverse affects is one of the benzos. I've been on diazepam 10mg, 3 times a day for over 10 years now, along with Buspar.

Here is the predicament - Right now is an extremely stressful time in my life. I'm embroiled in the middle of a brutal lawsuit now, and everything related to that has taken a massive toll on me. In addition, my health issues have nose dived because I have been unable to afford most of my medications that manage my other chronic health conditions. I have now found out that I need surgery to remove a growth that could be cancerous, but without insurance, I can't do anything. It's just been a lot on me lately, perhaps way too much.

Over the past couple weeks, I have had to write legal responses when I am not in bed crying from pain. My anxiety has been peaking at an all time high, causing me to have to take an extra diazepam in the middle of the night when I wake up from a massive panic attack. I usually don't get these panic attacks, and I try everything else to stop them. But, so far, it's the medication in combination with some diversion activities (like walking, watching a movie, etc.) that help me the most. Honestly, over the past couple weeks, I have been so pre-occupied with legal stuff and then the medical news that I didn't think about running out early of the diazepam. It's hard to describe - I was just doing everything to get through the moment.

I'm scared to death to call my psychiatrist. I do not want to be judged. With the legal situation, I'm extremely limited in what I can say. (You can't directly talk to him and instead leave messages with office staff. Thus you can't say anything confidential.) So I do not know what type of message to leave for him if I do call. I wish that I could just suddenly go Cold Turkey off this medication, but with me, I become extremely sick and have had seizures in the past from stopping too rapidly. I guess it is because I have been on it for too long.

Does anyone have any advice? After everything quiets down, I'm going to see if I can reduce the anxiety meds very slowly and hopefully cease them altogether. The withdrawal is too hard when situations like this come up. And geez I hope that no more legal situations come up either.

Thank you so much everyone.
Peace and blessings to each of you.

Hi immovinon. I had anxiety 7 0r 8 years ago. I got rid of it and now it came back but even worse. I would ask your doctor about your medication. I take prozac and ativan and seroquel. Maybe you should ask your doctor about Seroquel? You said your anxiety is chronic. What sre your symptoms. Mine are no appetite,My thighs to my feet burn and tingle. My stomach hurts. My hands hurt and tingle so does my toungue. I am all ways tired and my head feels heavy. I feel sick all the time. Some times I shake and tremble. Misty