Please help..

Okay so, I've been reading online about panic attacks and any way to help me get over this. I really need help. I've never actually posted online before. I'm 22 years old and have been on my own for most of my life, which has never seemed to bother me. I've been sexually abused since I was four for four years by my brother's father until I was 8, and then  again by my grandfather. My mother was and still is an alcoholic and has always. Blamed me for ruining her life ( she had me when she was 15). She even walked in on my grandfather in bed with me and did nothing. I don't know my father.

...... Anyway, I'm not It crying out for attention by any means but I think it's important info for my problem.

So, back to the sob story, my mothers boyfriends alway beat me or I had to watch her get beat. And then when I was 13, she met my stepfather and was with him for seven years up until he shot himself 2 years ago. He was like a father to me and it was the most painful thing I've ever felt in my life. After he died, my life turned around. I started stripping and moved away, lived in hotels, died from an overdose.


There's more but in sure you get it, what I'm trying to say is, I've been through all of this and I've been holding onto it my whole life with no one to talk to about it, and I've been fine. It never bothered me to talk about it. None of it bothered me, I didn't even care. I was like a robot.

But for the past year I've been having feeling of disgust in myself where I just feel nauseous and completely ashamed of myself. I have these panic attacks that come out of nowhere. BAD ONES. It starts with my chest getting tight and the my arms going numb, then I would get prickly feelings all over my face and legs. After that, I get this fuzzy feeling and tightness in my head and my ears start ringing. My vision shakes and I can't see anything straight, sometimes I even get confused. I've tried breathing and sitting in the shower or taking my mind off of it. I know there is something in my last that I'm. It addressing but how do I figure it out? And when I do, what am I supposed to do? I don't really have anyone to talk to. I never have. Therapy doesn't work for me and I don't believe in pharmaceuticals.


Please someone help me..

Edit:  I am sorry but I did an edit on your post for explicit info re your sexual abuse.  We have members as young as 13 years old on the boards.  I did not change your message, just used softer words. Thank  you in advance for your understanding.

2. No use of explicit images or messages.

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 4/12/2014 9:53:28 AM (GMT-6)

Kmv,

Sunny brought up an excellent suggestion about looking at our Resources Page --top post on the front page of this forum. There are several excellent resources that are free, utilizing different approaches to help you.

I'd also suggest therapy. You said it didn't work. How many times did you go? How often? How long ago? Therapy, like anything else, requires a commitment and it takes some time. To be fair to you, giving it some time and effort is important if you desire to get something out of it. If we go into therapy feeling defensive, and feeling traumatized, we need time to trust that therapist so we can let our guard down and fully benefit.

I'd also recommend seeing a therapist that specializes in what you've gone through, what you continue to go through.

As for medication, probably most of us here would prefer not to be on them. We all want to be 'normal' without the use of any pharmaceuticals. But we've also come to realize that our mental and even physical health, (for many of us), relied on meds. Taking meds does not change you, you don't become a zombie, you don't stop feeling, they don't magically make you happy. Finding the right medication for you personally is part of the process, (if indeed meds are something you and your doctor feel you might benefit from trying).

Being on meds also does not mean you must be on them forever. There's light at the end of the tunnel if you're willing to be an active participant in your getting better.






M.

Kmv628

I am sorry for what you have been through;  nobody should ever be treated the way you were..........it makes me feel angry that people would abuse a young child and not one single person came to your defense.  The pain and suffering you went through and continue to have now is extremely sad but know you have come to a safe place where people will listen to you and do their best to help you. ((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))

First of all I am going to suggest you make an appointment with a Dr. for a medical screening exam as perhaps you have something medical going on and it is good sense to have a non-judgmental physician in your corner.

There are various types of traumatic events that can lead to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). PTSD belongs within the category of anxiety disorders.

Sexual abuse is a particularly sinister type of trauma because of the shame it instills in the victim. With childhood sexual abuse, victims are often too young to know how to express what is happening and seek out help. When not properly treated, this can result in a lifetime of PTSD, depression and anxiety.

It’s crucial for every victim of sexual abuse to seek counseling to decrease or to prevent PTSD, Anxiety and Depression  symptoms.

Let's start you at the beginning and find some help for you  - It is important to speak with someone, whether it be a friend or counselor, about the abuse and past and current feelings. You can share your feelings with us as we do not judge - we do care about you and will do our best to support you.

Please remember that you are not responsible for the abuse and that you are not alone. You can overcome the effects the abuse may have on your life. Please call the National Sexual Assault Hotline (800.656.HOPE) or visit the Online Hotline. It’s never too late to get help.

Here is the link to the hotline, just click on the link and the site will open for you.

https://ohl.rainn.org/online/

So now we have met and we won't turn our back on you so post anytime and know someone will be along to post back to you.

Kindly,

Kitt

Kmv,

Awwww dang, I am sorry you are feeling so down.  I would really like to see you get set up with a Dr. of your own as the emergency department should never take the place of your own primary care physician.  ER physicians only deal in acute problems and you have no access to them after your visit.

CBT is one of the therapies used for people with PTSD but at this point you do not have a diagnosis by a physician - am I right?

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a type of therapy that aims to help you manage your problems by changing how you think and act.

Trauma-focused CBT uses a range of psychological treatment techniques to help you come to terms with the traumatic event.

Please take a look at this site as they specialize in PTSD

https://ohl.rainn.org/online/

Thinking of you and believe in yourself as you are a survivor and now it is time to change your feelings about yourself.

Kindly,

Kitt

The answer is: Yes.

I know the common adage is that we must help ourselves, first and foremost. But there isn't a person alive who has gotten where they are completely by themselves with no help.

If you can read what I'm writing, you can thank a teacher for helping you learn how to read. See? You can now read on your own, but there was a time way back when,....when you needed help. (Same thing).

As you've stated, you believe you know what the problems are, but you don't know how to get out of the spot you're in. Therapists (the right one for you, by the way,...they are not all the same) work by helping you learn just how to get out of the spot you're in, helping to teach you what sorts of things you can do for yourself to help you get stronger.....

If all of us here knew what to do alone, by ourselves, we would not be reaching out to places like this forum, we wouldn't be asking for help....

Yes, we need help to get stronger. Asking for that help and being willing to be active in the process is the beginning!





M.