theres no place like home

well I'm back and my own pillow will feel good under my head tonight.
I didn't sleep well the whole time I was away. I could not fall asleep and would be almost asleep and then be startled fully awake with pounding heart. Of course I had made a mistake at my day job the day before I left and I was beating myself up about that for a few days. Then I own a business with my husband that I keep the books for and our account ran short and I had to straighten that out by transferring funds. I was blaming myself for that thinking I must have made a math error or forgot to deduct a weeks worth of payroll but I checked that all out today when I got back and I didn't and the account is low again and now I fear something sinister is going on so I have to go into the bank and see if someone is withdrawing funds somehow-
My boss is retiring at the end of this month and so far no replacement. I don't like change so having someone will be bad enough but if they don't find someone right away all his responsibilities will be falling on me and I have enough on my plate already so that will be worse.
But my main thing is I keep thinking that my mom won't be with me much longer. That's who I was visiting and she was fine and able to take care of herself and her affairs but she is 86 and around Christmas she went thru a little depression and played up a minor illness and made herself out to being close to death and unable to care for herself and I haven't been right since.
Does anyone else worry about this type of thing. She's 1200 miles away and has a big network of friends and a better climate where she is. It is not a good idea to move her here nor for me to move there....

Hey weary, You could end up being the boss, if you want it I hope you get it! Peace

Larry ***

Hey all, thanks for your support

It is hard being in the sandwich generation. I do find myself being the rock for both adult children as well as mom even though none of them live with me. Rock for husband too. Rock for my job too. It all backfired on me 7 years ago when I woke up disabled by RA. Took me out at the knees. Couldn't do anything for anybody nor myself. But even that couldn't keep me down. I bounced back in the amazement of even my doctors.

That's my problem- I want to be everything for everybody. I want to be able to fix things. I berate myself when I fail.

My mom does have a network of friends but no family where she is. Most of her family have passed on and besides that...you can pick your friends but you can't pick your family if you know what I mean...even so I worry. This is weird but a thought keeps coming to mind that a vet told me about my elderly cat. He said as much as we'd like- most time an old cat will not pass in her sleep but will become so ill you will know it's time to put it to sleep. Well you don't put humans to sleep. What if my mom has a stroke or something which causes her to be unable to care for herself? I am not cut out to be a caregiver whether I was there or try to bring her here. I just am not. :( I have seen horrible care in nursing homes.
Yet sickness makes me so anxious I don't feel like I could step up to the plate and I would never forgive myself for not stepping up. I guess by the grace of God I would do what I had to do.
Meanwhile I stress over it.
Stay in the moment- good advice SC. Why worry all the way there?
Larry- thanks for the vote of confidence about maybe I'll be the new boss if I want it. Well- today I found out the new one was chosen and he will be there on Monday to learn the ropes from the old one until the end of the month. He doesn't impress me. He doesn't have the skills I thought I lacked to do the job. However-I also didn't want the added stress of the job. So maybe we'll make a good team. I'll support him as I did my current boss and he can take the stresses that I don't want.

Thanks all for listening- it always feels so good to get this stuff off of my chest.