Trying To Understand

Just so fed up& the emotions are so beyond old haven't been on zoloft for a few weeks now& not even vistril &still feel the same when on them so therefore I know with truth now the problem is deeper, thyroid issue out of this world& fear is it the thyroid causeing the fear are just the fear . I have anger and resentment towards a few people, that Iam finding it hard to let go of and one is living his life after being selfish& taking what I had left. Then there are a few family members I promise Iam trying not to hate, but selfish actions for many years have caused a built up and the reason I choose to stay from around them& not speak to them they earned their place out of my life for good. Then there is the job I hate with evil people that have caused me alot of pain with their lies and deceiving ways makes it hard to trust people, I was once in this place before where I was cold& heart black as coal I don't like this place but I have allowed people to hinder 🏥my growth &Ive allowed sickness to make me angrier &angrier with each day. I feel alone& with actual truth Iam alone, I have no one but my mother who is dealing with her own sickness, I've let people in and wish I never did only to find out that family can't be trusted just like so called friends or a bf you intrusted and told your secrets to only for him to hurt you so deep that was a year ago &he had the nerve to ask why Iam so angry and things will get better.
I also find myself questioning the higher power asking howcome and is this all my life was meant to be? I wish I could move to africa and leave my phone behind live in a hut, and be free Iam getting older and in a dark place again I never thought I would return what is one to do? I hear walk away from everything and go on a find true peace journey, but how do one do that when I have no Idea where to start in a tugging war with religion too after learning a few things that I never knew& got me confuse like what. Is this real how and where do I find understanding thinking I now have to ask myself who is the higher power there is no doubt there is One& only One but who?
To those that are religious please don't allow my rant and open diary cause any mixed emotions, just a woman that has found out& searching for a few things& most of all real solid answers for I need fear and anxiety, panic, anger to be no more& I've had enough of all and want to live because right now Iam just here in lala land of sickness &anger, with alot of stuff that keeps pissing me off need to change my name back to SoulNPain because that would be pure truth.

Soul,

I am glad you felt comfortable posting here in the forum. Have you ever tried keeping a journal? Here is a link to the free website where I have my own private journal. 

How Keeping a Journal Can help you with Anxiety

 

http://www.anxietyreallysucks.com/how-keeping-a-journal-can-help-you-with-anxiety/

The actual journal itself: http://www.my-diary.org/

The unexpressed painful emotions we experience as a result of other peoples’ actions have the potential to transform into resentment if they are not released in a healthy, effective, and timely way.

Resentment lives inside us, feeding on our negative feelings and emotions. It becomes stronger the longer it is ignored. It can mutate and develop into a warped veil, which prevents us from seeing the world from a healthy, balanced perspective.

If left unresolved, resentment has the power to be all consuming, and is very effective at fueling anger.

The next time you experience a strong emotion such as fear, hurt, disappointment, anger, fury, or panic, try using this simple mantra:

“Right now I feel (INSERT EMOTION). I give myself permission to feel (INSERT EMOTION) because I have a right to express myself and my emotions.” ^{Reference: Henry Morris, Ph.D.}

I sense you have developed feelings of sadness, disappointment, fears, and hurt about friends as well as some family members. Letting go of old hurts is critical to living the life you deserve.

Removing toxic people from your life is a good thing but also let go off your hurts moving on to replace these people with people you trust.

Don't get angry at yourself for feeling anger - try to have compassion and understanding for yourself regarding what is triggering your anger and discomfort, then do what you can to shift the circumstances, or alter your reaction to them. Do try the journaling.

Keep on taking with us - we care, you can trust us and with practice you will feel happier.

Kindly,

Kitt

Thank you all for your encouraging words of wisdom for I do receive them with appreciation.