Silly but painful

Hi, Its my first time posting on this forum.

Like many people here I have anxiety issues and phobias, which I have always managed to deal with, but I would like to share something which is going to sound very odd, and which I think has got slightly worse over time.

I cannot bear to think of anything suffering or dying. If I see a spider I have to move it, in case someone steps on it, If I spot a beetle crawling by, I have to help it to safety...a beetle on its back worries me, mainly because I came along and helped it, but what about all the other beetles out there? how do they manage?

I have a swimming pool at home and I have had to stop looking out the window, as many insects throughout the day would land in it, and I would then have to sprint down two flights of stairs to rescue them, it became exhausting! I once flicked a spider off my bed and killed it by mistake, and I have never forgotten how upset I felt from this one incident. I cannot bear to watch any nature programs, because a glimpse of a Whale/elephant reminds me of how much suffering there is in this world! I cannot watch anything on the tv with animals in, or even a film!....in case something bad happens to them.

I have three dogs and my anxiety levels regarding them is now ridiculous, one is particularly smart, and I constantly worry when I let him out to do his business, and yet I live in a very remote wooded area, so nothing bad should happen, but I worry about snakes bites or something. I took him in as a stray and yet I sometimes wish I hadn't as I love him too much.

Sometimes I think there is so much suffering in the world that I cant bear it, therefore I don't watch much television, as usually its all bad news...I also feel very bad that these feeling are mainly directed towards insects and animals and not humans.

I have thought back to what might have triggered all this, and about 2 years ago my sister in law emailed me regarding some cruel practices against dogs, which I cannot bring myself to even write about what that was, it included a video, but she told me NOT to watch the video, which I didn't, but I read about what the video was about...and it was terrible..since that time sometimes whenever I have felt myself relaxed and happy, thoughts of that email crop into my mind, its like a test, and I have to wrestle with it and put it to the back of my mind...which I have managed to do, and I do think I am better with that now, but its always there, something that I know could make me feel terrible if I let it in.

Finally if I am in company and someone mentions something unpleasant regarding animals, I either have to get up and leave, or I put my fingers in my ears, which makes me look crazy, but I have to protect myself, as they will all go home and have completely forgotten the conversation whilst I am left mulling it all over and feeling upset....

So if you read this, please don't give examples of any sort of unpleasant animal experience you have suffered because I wont be able to unread it....and it will upset me.

What do you make of all this? My husband and daughter know I am sensitive, in fact I'm whats known as an emphatic person, so when I am not worrying about creatures, I do find myself always wanting to help people.

Hi, Sorry I meant to type empathic not emphatic!...an empath is someone who often feels what other people are feeling, and sometimes even feel their physical symptoms too.

I have never chatted to anyone about this to be honest. I think I would feel silly discussing this with a therapist, because I don't think on the scale of things its that serious, in comparison to other fears and phobias....but there is no doubt it does bother me from time to time.

I was hoping maybe someone else may have had similar thoughts, not necessarily about insects, animals perhaps.