It Never Ends. I'm Always Dying.

I am seriously a mental case, although I hide it well. I am a social person and usually when I vocalize my fears of dying everyone laughs it off as a joke, including me. This makes me feel very alone, and abnormal, because my fears are legit. The funny thing is, when others complain about symptoms of express anxiety about serious illnesses I tell them they are being overly dramatic and they will be fine. But when it is me, I am actually "dying". I am convinced eventually what I feel will be realized by the actual onset of a terminal disease. To top it off, I recently got dropped from my health insurance. The anxiety of knowing I could not see a physician if I had to is positively numbing to a hypochondriac. You would think with this type of health anxiety I would be a health nut, but I am actually the complete opposite. I smoke, I drink, and I eat things I shouldn't. I always tell myself, if I survive this time, I will change. I have survived of course through many, many, many situations in which I thought I was going to die and once I know I am okay I eventually continue on the same path. I think I subconsciously fear that even if I made the leap to change my lifestyle I would still feel these debilitating anxieties. Many of you have a spouse and/or children, and here I am thinking that will never happen for me because I could never actually let someone know how serious of a problem this is for me. I was once very care-free and adventurous, and one day that all changed. I am not sure exactly what day it was, but if I could go back and erase it I would. It is comforting to know that other people feel the same way I do. Although, I think you are all fine, and despite my fears, I probably am too.

I can so relate to what you are saying, I understand your fear and think the same way. I cant even go to my chiropractor because I fear he will do something that will kill me. I came out of my appointment yesterday shaking and feeling awful from the anxiety of the visit. I am convinced all my doctors are missing something, my family tells me I need meds because I shouldn't think and live in this hell all the time, but meds scare me. I feel like people think Im crazy (like at work) and I feel ashamed by this. I am in therapy and trying to work with her however like you I feel like something bad is going to happen all the time. I remember the days I would get in the car and go to the mall all day by myself and enjoy it, I cant go more then 10 mins from my home now with or without someone else and feel panic. I absolutely hate living like this and will do all I can to get better. Hang in there because we are in the same boat my friend.

Hello N.D. and welcome!

First of all...you are NOT a mental case!! :) You are suffering from health anxiety...and as you can see from the support you have received already...you are not alone!

Have you had a chance to check out our Resources?

Here is the link:https://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=9&m=104206

In it you will find all sorts of great self-help techniques...as well as information/book recommendations specifically on health anxiety.

It is treatable, and there is hope to feel better!

Take a look and try some of the suggested coping skills, check out the helpful links and/or consider getting one of the books on H/A...they are very effective treatments.

Keep posting with us as well. Support is key...and we understand and care!

Scaredy Cat

I too suffer with anxiety, and panic. Have recently been suffering with health anxiety, like none other. Any pain, any ache, It has to be something deadly, awful. I always get through it, of course, and I am thankful. During the pains/aches, it's crazy because I will work myself into the worst panic. I don't always eat right either, and I drink alot of coffee. I like my coffee. I don't drink alcohol though, but my friends tell me I need to have a glass of wine..lol Just no that you are not alone, and many people go through this. Some people just don't talk about it, and I am glad we have a place to talk about it.

Thanks Larry,

Yes that is very true. Sometimes though it's easier said than done. I try and live life to the fullest everyday. I try and make every day count. The bad thing is sometimes anxiety gets the best of me. I always say one day at a time, and I try to enjoy every minute..