At the end of my rope with my anxiety...

So I developed anxiety in January and it's now May. I've always been a really happy and normal kid- I've never had any real problems until I got my first horrible anxiety attack after smoking weed (which I had done a lot) it just came out of nowhere and I honestly thought it was the end, but I somehow survived and stopped smoking. But the anxiety didn't stop there; I continued to have anxiety attacks which would begin with heart palpitations and then a wave of panic and muscle tingling and body shakes an whatnot. But I quickly learned to overcome these! I was super proud of myself and thought I had overcome it:) but then it was like the anxiety changed form- I started having extreme anxiety about sleeping. I was (and still kind of am) incredibly afraid of sleep, I just thought FOR SURE I was going to die in my sleep and never wake up. But slowly I overcame that too! But of course, once again it's like the anxiety sensed I had overcome that aspect of it, and so it changed form again. Lately what I have been dealing with is horrible suffocating sensations. It feels like I'm breathing, but not getting any oxygen. It doesn't make sense to me that I'm still alive but I'm thankful I am because I am SO AFRAID of death. Not only do I have suffocating sensations, but I also am hit with occasional, but extremely scary, invasive thoughts that feel uncontrollable. They bombard my brain telling me that what's happening to me isn't normal, that there's something wrong with me- that I must be going mentally insane. (Maybe I am going crazy honestly) This is such a terrifying thing to experience, I'm only 17 and I don't understand what I did to deserve this. This feels like some sort of cruel punishment. Oh, and did I mention the depression? When the anxiety lifts I'm left with an empty feeling of hopelessness, I tell myself that this is no way to live and that it would be better to die. If it weren't for me being so afraid of death I definitely would have ended my life already.

I'm still alive, but not living. I feel so disconnected from everyone and everything around me. The last few months feel like a bad dream that I'm going to wake up from any minute- but I never do. I don't know what I did to deserve this. I just want to know that im not alone? Does it get better? I can't live my life like this. I'm afraid of what awaits me after death but it can't be worse than this. I want to cry but it's hard to feel anything lately. It's gotten to the point where I'm not happy and I'm not sad, just empty. Please help someone, don't know what to do anymore. -Timmy

Timmy, I am so glad that you have joined us, as your situation is similar to so many of us here. I am sorry to hear about your recently increased anxiety. Is there a known trigger that you can identify or is your anxiety seemingly random ? Sometimes it just comes out of nowhere, but if you can identify your stressors, that helps in taking steps to find ways of lowering the outside factors at least. What have you done or what are you doing currently for relief? Therapy and/or medication are two main ways of treating and managing anxiety. If you have not explored these options, you may want to set up and appointment with your health care provider to discuss these. If you have tried these in the past...maybe it is time to consider re-visiting them (therapy), or considering a change (medication?) for better results. We have a great Resource Guide here as well...full of effective self-help ideas. You can find it on the main page, 1st post. Take a look and see what seems interesting/helpful to you. If you need some basic start up exercises and ideas for stress relief, let me know and I will post the direct links. Keep posting with us here as well if you find it helpful. Support is key! Kindly, Kitt  

Timmy,

I have had panic attacks and anxiety since I was about 7 or 8. Everything you have described, the stages with the sleep and such, I have gone through. It does seem like it's always something new. Are you taking any medication? I recently have been going through and horrible relapse and will be visiting my doctor to go back on medication. Zoloft has been awesome for me for the most part.

This article is really helpful with normalizing what you're going through and I've found it really calms me down and the ice actually helps sometimes!

http://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-halt-and-minimize-panic-attacks/0005992

 Please don't hurt yourself! We're all here for you!

Hoping to see more posts,

Chelsea

Post Edited By Moderator (Scaredy Cat) : 5/12/2014 2:15:07 PM (GMT-6)