Hello everyone. It's been awhile again...been very busy and very exhausted! I've had anxiety here and there, well it is always there, but only one really bad bad anxiety attack since I've been pregnant.. that was not fun as I was in class and had to leave.. and it was a very, very stressful morning at that!! The last time I posted I was very anxious and had a bad heart palpitation.... well today is unfortuneately one of those days. I feel like I have that adrenaline rush, my heart feels like its going fast for no reason, feels like its pounding.. then I get the flutters.. quite a few already and it is only 12:20 p.m. here!!!! It frustrates me so bad that some days are really, really good! , and others the anxiety is back and the heart flutters are back like they never left. I know my body is working harder being pregnant and that is def another reason for them, but I hate being in constant fear of them. When I say constant I mean the thought of the flutters do not leave my mind, I am becoming more and more terrified of them! ): Especially on days like today where they have been pretty frequent. It's like no matter what I do I get them! I lay down I feel them, I get up from laying down they are terrible, I eat a big meal they are horrible, I walk fast they are scary!, I keep thinking I am going to die from them! If I could take my Xanax, I'd be alottt calmer, my heart rate would slow down, and they would disappear or be reduced by alot!, but I have been doing SO good without them. Don't want to take anything and chance hurting the baby in any way. I will be 18 weeks next week and Saturday finding out what I am having! I should be soo excited, but I am soo nervous! (The life of anxiety ... right!?!?!?). After two girls we are in high hopes for our little boy!!!! The following week I start my LAST two classes of school before externship and heading out into the real world! Hooray for no more "dead end jobs" , but BOOOO! for high high anxiety!!! //-: I am very very nervous, hope I can make it through!! I want to give my best impression in hopes of being hired at my site, but anxiety could easily ruin that all within minutes if I freak out! This is NOT an easy life we live!! It's like constant fear of EVERYTHING, and it never goes away no matter how hard we try! Its awful, but I try to push forward through it even though at times that does make it worse. ): I am going to tryyyy and get through today and push through the anxiety and heart flutters but they are just really bad today, I can say I really am scared right now! I just keep feeling them like there's no tomorrow and I havent felt them like this in a while! Ughhhh. Hopefully I can get everything done that I need to, if not, here's for a better day tomorrow!
Have a great day everyone!! (-: