Anxiety over boyfriend, found .lnk files

So I've been with my boyfriend for about 8 months, I don't know, we don't really have a commitment date lol. Anyways in the past I've been an emotional roller coaster with 2 serious boyfriends. One started it, because he constantly cheated on me and I kept giving more chances (yeah, yeah, I know...), and then the other one was just a mess because I was a paranoid freak that I was going to get cheated on again and I completely invaded his privacy, mind you he wasn't perfect either and was very aloof, which also encouraged me to think that he was cheating. Anywho... this is why what I'm about to tell you, happened.

So now I'm with this guy, and I have had lots of time to think about the past and fix myself emotionally before we got together. I really took my time with this one, and we are going very well together. It took me months to love him because I was so cautious, but I was attracted, I appreciated his good morals, our communication is great, and he was patient and did everything right to get me to open up, and now I love him to bits. But today I ****ed up. Rarely I'll sleep over at his house on a work night for him, because he leaves super early to go to his construction job, and I just sleep in and then drive home. So we did this last night, and he kissed me goodbye and I fell back to sleep. I then I had a horrible dream. I dreamed that he hid his internet history on me and was hiding something really bad (not **** I don't care about that), and the anxiety was so severe in my dream. I even handled it in the way I used to handle it. I used to ********* a lot to relieve the anxiety and get my mind off of everything. I had an orgasm in my dream and woke up and I panicked and nearly fell over rushing to his computer to see if my dream was real.

I ended up snooping his entire computer, I'm so ashamed of myself. I've never snooped on him intentionally and it's been 8 months, and then this stupid dream makes me do it. Well I think I found something, and now I'm freaking the **** out. I don't want to tell him because things are so good with us, and I'll look like an ass for snooping on him and he might not trust me with his privacy anymore. I never wanted to do this, but I did. I found these files that he told me he deleted. I never told him to delete them, he came to me and told me he deleted them. Sometimes I wondered if it was a manipulative way to get me to trust him (I permanently think like this now and ignore it) I mean it took him months to get me to trust him, why wouldn't he try to earn my trust? There was files of his ex-girlfriend, a file containing "pretty girls", his ex-girlfriends friend "Hannah"??? in a completely separate folder, ***?, some like poop file, and some other stuff that I can understand why he would want to hid like personal writings. Anyways I can't open any of these files because they are ".lnk" files. So I just got mad and deleted the bad ones since apparently he deleted them anyways. And all the files were created on the same date, the ones that can't be opened. I started researching it and I just want a clear answer if a .lnk file is what someone uses to hide files, and I can't find an explanation. If anyone's knows for sure that it's not, and those files somehow got created when he deleted them, please explain this to me. I'm obsessing over this, and all I wish is to obsesses over what I want in life instead. I hate this.

Hi W2BH.,

I am sorry that you are going through this anxiety with your relationship right now.;( I know how interpersonal conflict can raise anxiety levels.

I will not get into the details of your trust issues, as that is a personal thing that you will ultimately have to work out between the two of you...

...however, I would encourage you to do the best thing for yourself, which is keep your anxiety at a healthy level.:)

We have self help ideas here in our Resources which serve a double purpose.

For one, they naturally lower stress levels through mental and phsyiological methods...

...and they will also help to distract you from worrying about this issue constantly.

Give these a try and see how you feel.

http://www.healthcentral.com/anxiety/c/73076/34334/breathing-lessons/

http://www.healthyplace.com/

http://www.stress-relief-exercises.com/

 

I  wish you well in your relationship. I hope that everything works out for the best for you.

Post anytime,

Scaredy Cat

That must have been hard when you found out, but looks like you got it under control and are handling it very very maturely!

Good job in being able to shrug it off. That takes courage.

Hugs....